Page 79 of The Riley Effect

I look at her knowing she’s aware of the impact dogs had on my life after my parents’ deaths.

“Teddy was the biggest blessing I had growing up.”

I smile, fondly remembering my childhood dog.

It’s at that moment I realize how the golden retriever, making itself at home in my lap, has shaped these last four years. Myheart cracks a little because I remember that he also brought Jalen to me.

The National Championship tournament is one of the best sporting spectacles if you ask me. Sixty-eight teams widdle themselves down to one national champion. Every year, a Cinderella story wins over the heart of America, and I just hope they aren’t on our side of the bracket. We’ve earned the one seed and now we have a shot of being back-to-back national champions.

Another reason I’m excited for this tournament to start is that it takes me away from all the reminders of Jalen that keep popping up everywhere I turn.

We were lucky to have made it out of the first round of the tournament. I played like shit. I had six points and accumulated five fouls with eight minutes left in the game and was forced to sit on the bench for the rest of it.

Coach makes sure that we get the hint that if we don’t want to go home without a title, we need to pick it up. The guilt crushes me. I can feel my chest tighten, and my hands begin to shake. The familiar signs of a panic attack. I pretend to rummage through my temporary locker as my teammates file into the bathroom to shower so we can catch a little of the game currently being played since we play the winner of it.

I take a quick look around, and when I realize I’m the only one left in the locker room, I start the breathing exercises I’ve been dependent on since elementary school.

Inhale for four seconds,

Hold for seven seconds

Exhale for eight.

I repeat the pattern four more times before I make my way to the showers.

The game is already in the second quarter by the time I catch up with my team. There is an open seat next to Indy, and I slid in, trying to fly under the radar.

“Hey,” Indy greets as the crowd breaks into a cheer, brought on by a three-point shot made late in the shot clock.

Guilt rushes through me when I look down the row at my teammates. The dread of letting people down and knowing that I played like shit hits me. In the first half, I was guarded closely, not giving me much room to shoot the ball, but I made up for it with a few good assists and lockdown defense. In the second half, nothing came together. I just had no rhythm.

“Hey, how’s the game been?” I ask, praying we can keep the conversation away from anything that has to do with me.

“Syracuse looks good. I wouldn’t be surprised if they start pulling away going into halftime.”

“I think that would be a good match-up for us.” I keep my eyes on the game playing out in front of us.

“Did the boys win?” I can’t help it. I need to know.

“There are five minutes left in the third period, and they are up five to two. I think they’ll pull this one out.”

“That’s good.”

A few hours later, Indy and I are getting into bed. We have to be up at seven because we have a nine o’clock practice. When we both are settled, I run my fingers up and down the base of the lamp. Nervous of what the silence of the night will do to my thoughts.

The lights are only off for a few moments before the shield around my heart lowers. I run my fingers along the bedspread a few times while mustering up the courage to ask my best friend some questions I might not want to know the answers to.

“Indy, do you think I made a mistake ending things with Jalen?”

I hear the rustling of the sheets, and with the moonlight shining through the back of the curtains, I can see Indy has turned on her side, so she is facing me.

“I think you made a rash decision.”

I know she is right, and it completely destroys me.

When I don’t answer her, Indy gets out of her bed and comes to lie next to me.

“Ivy, you have been through more in your life than most people live through in their entire lifetime. This year, I’ve watched you grow. You came out of your shell and made friends beyond Lola and the team. You let loose and realized you could balance it all,” Her pause is followed by a quiet laugh. “And you’re really funny when you’re drunk.”

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