Page 9 of Rekindled

"So ready," I replied behind him. "There's no need to rush either, J. The crew are still gassing up the plane and traffic seems light at this hour according to my travel planner.

"No problem," he answered, smiling at me through the rear-view mirror.

I smiled back and twisted my head to peer out of my backseat window.

Trading in Florida for Colorado was a simple decision. It's like I told Lexi, I hadn't seen Journee in eight months and I direly needed girl time with my girl. We did well with keeping in touch with each other after the wedding, which was a beautiful event. Set on the hills of southern California where she and the love of her life exchanged their vows at sunset. They'd been together for four years before her man got down on one knee and asked her to spend the rest of her life with him.

I was there, at their engagement, with a boyfriend of my own, Kai. I met Kai through Journee. She hooked me up with Kai, promising that we were perfect for each other.

I bit my lip to keep the smile threatening to spread across my mouth. Our first date was our first night being intimate too. We moved fast, Kai and I. The attraction was instant and sizzled on impact between us the moment his deep browns locked with mine.

I'd heard about him before our blind date. We traveled in the same circles, worked in the same industry, but somehow never met until that night. Kai held a position as a producer at Dope Records when we finally crossed paths. And one thing I realized about him soon after becoming a couple was his drive and ambition. He always told me being a producer was a stepping stone for what he really wanted, his real career goal - A&R. Though he was great at what he did in front of a mixing board banging out beats on a drum machine, Kai had king-sized dreams of being an A&R which he became a year after we made our relationship official.

I leaned back in my seat and focused out the black car's windshield, watching as buildings, some decorated in garland and Christmas lights, whizzed by. We'd approached a red light and stopped. I twisted my head to my right to catch the view of a fairly busy coffee shop. Made a mental note to ask for a cup of cappuccino the moment I boarded my private flight. Nonchalantly, I rolled the back of my head against the backseat's headrest and without thought peered out of the opposite window.

I sat up slowly, my eyes adjusting and piercing through the car's back window and into the car across from us.

Kai?

I mean, the man had the same side profile, full lips, and neatly trimmed beard as Kai. The guy in the other car sat with his shoulders back, attention fixed straight ahead in front of him.

I pressed my fingers to my eyes, rubbing them in haste and refocusing them again. He finally turned his head in my direction, to take in another view, I supposed, when I realized he wasn't Kai. I exhaled all the air out of me and turned in my seat to focus out the windshield again. Kept my eyes that way until the light turned green and we continued on our separate ways.

I pressed my hand to my chest to steady the hammering happening inside of it. Finally, I closed my eyes and took a breath. The thought of thinking up Kai in that instance scared the shit out of me. What would I have done if ithadbeen him?

See, this is the reason I barely thought of him.

I did my best to rid my mind of Kai whenever he casually strolled through my brain and I found myself reminiscing. While we had a beautiful relationship, our break up wasn't as cute. The first two years of our union were hot. Nothing had changed between us, and when I say nothing I mean nothing. Intimacy never faltered between Kai and I. Romantic gestures remained the same and got better with time, but the relationship stayed just the way it started. Kai was only my boyfriend and expressed no intentions of being anything more than my boyfriend.

At some point, I lost myself in our courtship, which wasn't a courtship because Kai wasn’t really courting. He had no plans of taking our relationship to the next level. And one morning, I'd had it.

I slammed the frying pan against the stove's grates. There I was, another morning, standing over a stove I had no interest in standing over to prepare a breakfast I knew I wouldn't enjoy. Not because I wouldn't enjoy what I made, but that I'd be consuming it feeling less than worthy and with a mind cluttered with doubts.

"What the hell, Maven?" Kai asked, calmly. In his grip was his BlackBerry. For the past few months, that thing had become melded to his palm it seemed, especially since getting his name on his new office door with the title A&R etched beneath it. Now, if he wasn't eating or breathing, he was typing on that damn BlackBerry device or answering it after the first ring.

"Kai, what are we doing?"

He leaned back in his seat, clasping his fingers to the innermost corners of his eyes in a pinch.

"I'm getting real tired of the stagnancy of this thing we got going on between us, Kai. You know what I've always wanted—"

"And, Maven, you know what I've always wanted. What you want and what I want we've both determined are no longer in alignment, but I thought we were working through this."

I knew that. We'd had this conversation only a year ago, and then again a few months ago when our friends got engaged in front of us. But I just thought maybe I needed to step my game up to show him I was worth changing his mind.

"You can't possibly feel the same way." I left the pan on the grate and closed the space between us. It was a Saturday morning, around 8 a.m. We'd rolled out of bed half an hour earlier, so we still wore our night clothes, him boxers, me a silk cami and shorts set.

I stood over Kai and peered down at him. He finally placed the phone down on the table and turned to face me, laying his hands on each side of my hips.

"Marriage is not in my plans, Maven. I just got promoted and still have a few things to sort through before I can even think to shift gears."

"Am I asking you for a lot? Is what I'm wanting from you, to spend the rest of my life with you, is that too much to ask for? Just tell me."

Tears brimmed my eyes, my chest rising and falling, filled with fear regarding his response.

"I know the husband I want to be to you and I won't be able to be that right now," he admitted. "I've been waiting for this promotion and now that I've gotten it, I have to prove that I was worth getting the job. It's a must I exceed expectations. I need to deliver on all the promises I've made. So, for that reason, right now at least, being your boyfriend is the best I can offer to you, Maven."

His honesty broke my heart and I'll admit, it was very adult of him to be upfront and honest and to stand in his honesty, but his forthrightness kicked me in the gut. I hadn't planned to fall for Kai the way I did. Romantic love was something I loved to write about in my songs, it was something I admired others experiencing around me. Before Kai, I stopped putting myself out there for love. I no longer required a ring, nor was I allowing even the thought of monogamy to fuel my dating life. But his love came out of nowhere and arrested my heart. Most surprisingly, he changed everything, including what I thought I no longer wanted - a monogamous commitment.

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