Page 139 of My Only

I thought I was in control.

But I was being controlled.

I cranked the speed up higher.

Faster.

Harder.

I pushed myself to the absolute limit, until my legs gave out beneath me.

I barely caught the treadmill’s railing in time, hauling myself off the speeding belt. My feet landed on the outer frame, knees shaking, breath ragged.

I hit the stop button.

The treadmill slowed to a halt.

But my pulse didn’t.

I took a step, then collapsed.

Straight to my knees.

And I couldn’t fight it anymore.

The tears came full force.

I pressed my palms against the cool floor, body rocking as my chest heaved.

Silent wails—the kind that gut you from the inside out—echoed around me.

I balled my fists, lifted them, ready to punch the floor.

But at the last second, I didn’t.

Instead, I spread my fingers against the hardwood.

Steadied myself.

And I gave in.

I let myself cry...

Cry about letting Ayla down.

Cry about doubting myself.

I cried about questioning my own abilities to the point of being led to the slaughter.

And I cried about being so fucking blind.

Harper may have cost me my job.

A career I bled for.

But worse—so much fucking worse…

She may have cost me Ayla, too.

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