Page 156 of My Only

To the way he held me.

To the way he whispered, “Let’s not do that anymore.”

The nurse called out another patient’s name, breaking my trance. I glanced down at the page I’d absentmindedly flipped open. It was an ad. A mother cradling her newborn, smiling down at them like they were her entire world.

My stomach tightened.

Was that something I wanted?

I exhaled, shifting in my seat.

Distracted again, my mind drifted back to two nights ago—to Hassani and what he said to me right before I fell asleep.

“You falling asleep on me, A. Boogie?” he asked, pressing his hand to my cheek.

I smiled, my eyes heavy. I was definitely falling asleep. I’d missed this bed so much that the moment I laid down, sleep wasn’t far behind.

Sleeping in the guest room didn’t feel good. Every night, I went to sleep with our disagreement on my mind and woke up thinking about it the next day. It was torture, but it was the only thing I felt I could control.

“I want us to go to couples’ counseling,” Hassani whispered. “If that’s okay with you.”

I blinked in response, my eyelids growing heavier.

“I think we need it,” he nodded, running his hand along my face. “I think it would be good for us.”

The appointment was set for tomorrow, and I was both anxious and intrigued.

With Hassani home the entire next day, we spent time searching for marriage counselors. I wanted someone married, someone older. To me, that was the next best thing to a husband or wife on their deathbed—people literally fulfilling the ‘til death do us part’ promise—because they were the only ones I felt were truly qualified to give marriage advice to people they didn’t know.

This doctor though, the one we found? She seemed like she knew her stuff. We’d see how that went.

A few feet away, a pregnant woman eased into a chair, sighing as she settled in. She placed a protective hand over her belly, absently rubbing it while scrolling through her phone.

She looked beautiful. The kind of radiant you see in maternity billboards—soft, glowing, at peace.

Something inside me squeezed.

I stared too long. I knew I did.

When she lifted her gaze, my cheeks heated. I quickly looked away.

Too late…

Our eyes met for the briefest second before she returned to her device’s screen, unfazed.

Still, I found myself stealing another glance.

What would it be like, to watch my belly grow rounder, fuller?

I couldn’t picture it. Not really. But I knew it could happen.

Just… not for me... yet.

At least, that’s what I’d always told myself.

I’d always loved babies, but having one? It had never been at the forefront of my mind. I’d been content with life as it was. Hassani and me. Our routines. Our travels. The dreams we built together.

But once…

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