Page 165 of My Only

I glanced at Ayla, who was already looking at me.

The answer was easy. I’d felt it ever since she said she wanted a divorce. And if we were here to be honest, then I had to say it.

“I feel like I’m failing you.”

Ayla released a shaky breath, her face softening into a frown. “You’re not failing me at all, Hassani.”

“But I feel that.” I nodded. “I felt that when you told me you wanted out.”

“I didn’t mean it.” She shook her head quickly. “I was pissed. Saying it was the only way I felt in control of something I had no control over. But I didn’t mean it.” Her lips quirked up slightly. “No take-backs, right?”

I nodded, my throat too tight to speak.

Dr. Aldridge turned to Ayla. “And you? No judgment.”

Ayla closed her eyes for a moment, exhaled, then opened them—meeting mine head-on.

“I want a baby… like, very much.”

My whole body tensed. I blinked hard, sure I misheard her.

“You do?”

Ayla nodded.

I sat up straight, my heartbeat hammering. I had purposely never brought it up, not wanting to be that guy pressuring her. I figured she’d tell me when she was ready. But she’d been holding this in? Why?

“I didn’t know that,” I spoke in a low voice, then turned to Dr. Aldridge. “I didn’t know that.”

Ayla’s voice softened. “I was afraid to bring it up because I didn’t want to disrupt your work on the project.”

“What?” I whispered. “My work?! Ayla. Nah, baby. Come on.” I pressed a hand to my chest. “You wouldn’t have disrupted anything.” My voice cracked as I exhaled. “A baby? You want a baby? Why wouldn’t you tell me that?”

I sagged my shoulders, trying to catch my breath.

How long had she been thinking about this? How many times had she stopped herself from saying it out loud? My wife—my best friend—felt like she had to keep something this big from me?

“A?” I shook my head. “You should’ve told me. ‘Cause I want babies too. I’ve just been waiting on you. I didn’t want to pressure you. I wouldn’t be the one carrying life. I wanted to leave that choice to you.”

Dr. Aldridge leaned forward. “See? You both love each other deeply, but you’ve been making decisions out of fear instead of trust. It’s like trying to cook in a pitch-black kitchen—it doesn’t work.” She smiled gently. “But we’re going to work on that.”

At the end of our session, Dr. Aldridge left us with a plan: rebuild our friendship, prioritize our passions, communicate openly about fears, and—unfortunately—abstain from sex until we could do all of the above.

“Demonstrate emotional intimacy, trust, and communication outside of physical connection,” she’d explained. “Signs of this will be openly expressing concerns and feeling safe to do so, addressing your issues instead of avoiding conflict, and not using physical affection as a shortcut to smoothing things over.”

Dr. Aldridge smiled. “And, of course, having fun. Genuine fun. Without feeling like intimacy is the only way to reconnect.” She leaned forward. “Finally, you’ll break the abstinence rule when you both mutually agree you’re ready. Not just one of you trying to make the other happy. It should feel earned, not a Band-Aid over something unresolved.”

I glanced at Ayla, who flashed me a small smile.

“What we uncovered today was good—great, even,” Dr. Aldridge continued. “But what you’ll uncover on this journey will be even better. When you check these key signs and realize you’re hitting all the marks, you’ll see this isn’t just a rule to follow. It’s a tool to help rebuild what’s already there between you two.”

“You were right about Harper,” I told Ayla.

We were lying in bed, hours after our session. I’d finished work early just so I wouldn’t be late for our appointment with Dr. Aldridge. I was serious about fixing things with my wife. And so far, things were going well.

“Right about what?”

Ayla was curled up in one of my old tees—one she’d borrowed and never given back—her legs tucked close to me. It was almost midnight, and I had to be up early for the office tomorrow, but I wasn’t ready to sleep.

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