Page 183 of My Only

Because I hadn’t seen it that way before.

But I did now.

“You gave up parts of yourself in our marriage.”

His eyes flicked to my camera.

“Photography.”

Then, they moved to my hands.

“Wanting a baby.”

We held each other’s gaze.

“Why did you do that?” Hassani’s light eyes darted between mine. “Why did you keep wanting a baby from me? You never said anything?”

I released a weighted exhale. “You worked really hard to get this project, Hassani?—”

“Nah, man.”

Hassani closed the space between us, moving off the couch and onto his knees in front of me.

And just like that, my eyes started to water.

Tears welled beneath my lower lids.

Because I knew.

I knew exactly why I kept this from him.

Hassani had just made me realize something huge.

The very thing that kept me from serious romantic relationships in the past—the fear of losing myself, the way my mother had when my father died… the way Aunt Laurie had when she found out her husband was living a double life.

In a different form, that was the life I was living, too.

Keeping my desires hidden.

Holding my own heart hostage.

“I just thought it wasn’t the right time,” I told him. “It wasn’t a big deal at first. I haven’t felt this way the whole time. I promise. The baby fever just… slammed right into me that night at Bryant’s Greene Garden’s event.”

Hassani watched me closely.

“It wasn’t even him and his wife that made me want it,” I continued. “It was just… seeing what was possible.”

“You should’ve told me that, though,” Hassani spoke softly, his hand running up my thigh. “You should’ve said something. I would’ve figured it out. We would’ve figured it out.”

His touch was warm. Reassuring.

“Don’t do that again, aight?”

I nodded.

“If I can’t make the mistake of not listening to you about people and situations ever again,” he added, “then you can’t keep things to yourself like that, okay?”

“Okay,” I echoed.

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