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She holds me tight, and I hold her close. We say nothing, and I realize she must know, something is up.
Finally, we pull back and she looks me over. After pulling me inside, we talk at the kitchen table. I cry in her arms, and I feel stupid, and embarrassed.
I can’t explain everything, because of the sobs and inhaling, so I just finish with, “It just didn’t work out.”
“Well, who needs New York, anyway?”
It’s just what I need to hear, and she makes tea. We sit in the sun, and we talk more out back. The mountain view is gorgeous, and I calm more than expected.
Mom tells me she’s proud of me. She then congratulates me about my new hobbies. It helps some.
Mom is cool enough to not ask where my car is. Also, what I am going do with my life, and if I will stay. I decide to do the right thing, and I just tell her I need some time.
As we finish the talk, I explain my plan.
To go spend a week at grandpa’s cabin in the mountains. The very same mountains we can see in the distance.
Mom tells me it’s wise, and that if I need anything, to just holler. We hug at my rental, and I start to feel better. Better about cutting off my crazy NYC experience, and putting it all behind me.
It’s time to get back to reality, and that means jeans, a T, sneakers, and my old simple life.
As I drive away from Mom, I hope to God I didn’t make Lorenzo sound bad. I didn’t say who the relationship was with, but I suspect she could tell. I just hope she doesn’t tell Martha. Even if I thought Lorenzo loved me, and he was faithful, it should not affect his relationship with Martha.
She is the only person he has in the world.
After drivingto Madison’s small cafe, I take a breath, and walk calmly in. It is quiet, and she is tidying up, ready for closing.
As soon as she sees me, she runs across the wooden floorboards, and leaps into my arms.
After flipping the sign to ‘closed,’ we walk along the river. I give her the whole story, but not the parts about Lorenzo commanding me to come for him.
Or how he had taught me what to do, what not to do, and the other wicked things. As we walk along the slow river, we talk, and I look into the distant Blue Mountains.
Finally, I get it all out, and I feel better. Madie tells me she loves my new look, and she can tell I’m more confident.
She hugs me as we stop, then she looks at me with a grin. “Well, it’s great to see you, babe. So, are you home for good, or what?”
I’m still unsure about that, and I don’t know what to say.
I enjoyed seeing the world, or what I’ve seen. Also, learning things like Italian, how to dive, fly averagely and salsa.
Even if I’ll likely rarely use them again, it was good. Good, because my universe expanded, and I gained more confidence. The thing is though, for now, I’m worn-out. Spent.
“I’m sick of the drama, and of the ups and downs of travel. I love it here, and I need to catch my breath.”
“Then?”
“I don’t know,” I say.
Deep down I suspect I need to see more cities, and to see more of the world. Even if I adore this town, this county, and this state, I suspect I’m not ready to settle. Maybe Boston would be a great place to work and live.
Or Miami. Or Austin, Texas.
Madison smiles, and so do I.
For now, it’s enough time in the fast lane. Enough jet setting. Enough wild times, and enough wild sex. I gulp at that idea, and I shake my head to not think of that, or him.
“And any sign of Billy?” I ask.
