Page 115 of Gorgeous

The cicadas snap their tiny cymbals as they orchestrate the background music for our little sexcapade. Their annoying buzz used to aggravate me, but in my current situation, it’s a welcome distraction. Swallowing my nerves, I crouch down and scoot next to the man who is about to take my virginity.

“I’m not backing out, asshole. I was just debating if I should have brought more condoms with me. We could layer them, you know, so the girth will be fuller.” My eyebrows jump up and down like some kind of cartoon villain. “I want to make sure you actually tear through the hymen.”

I’m amused, grinning like a fool at his insulted expression. It feels good to break the ice and not act so weird with each other.

“I assure you, I’ll break the hymen. Who says hymen, anyway?” He shoves me away in a playful gesture as he roots through his gym bag, tossing a handful of condoms between us. For a moment, we both just stare at them.

“This is going hurt,” he admits with his head still bowed.

I’m aware. From what I’ve seen of his dick—what? We live together. It’s totally normal—it’s going to sting like a bitch; never mind the emotional rollercoaster I’ll endure when he gets on that plane tomorrow. But I’m determined to follow through with this horrific mistake, even if it kills me.

I pull him close, burying my embarrassed face in his chest. “I’m prepared.” The lie falls easily from my lips.

With unsteady hands, he sweeps my hair to the side. “I’m going to take my clothes off now.”

Ok, so it’s going to be awkward, no big deal. I can deal with awkward. I swallow thick, and nod my head like an idiot. Theo rises onto his knees, peels off his shirt and tosses it off the blanket with finesse only a pitcher possesses. When he’s working on the button of his jeans, I stop him.

“Let me.”

Without answering, he moves his hands, extending his arms out wide. I fumble a bit before successfully popping it through the hole. I ease his zipper down, careful not to catch it on anything. Theo is known to be commando at times. Now, though, red boxer briefs peak out from beneath the denim.

“I need you to stand,” I say, chewing the inside of my cheek. Soundlessly, he does. Inch by inch I work the damp material down. It sticks in a few places, but after a few aggressive tugs, I get them all the way off, revealing his perfect athletic thighs. Thank you, Coach Anderson, for mandatory gym days.

It’s too quiet when he reaches for my shirt. Where are you now, stupid cicadas? His expert fingers remove my clothes piece by piece in seconds flat. Before I know it, I’m beneath him staring into hungry eyes that screamthis is a bad idea, but I am going to enjoy every minute of it.

“Tell me to stop,” he breathes, almost pleading.

No, we’re doing this.

I pull him closer, my answer unspoken. His ribs expand with harsh breaths as his callused hand grips my thigh, gently opening me to cradle his narrow hips. The weight of his body coaxes me down onto the blanket, against the soft cotton.

I’m aware of everything, the cicadas, the slight breeze, the blades of grass struggling to poke through the flowered blanket.

I allow myself to let my guard down, taking a moment to catalog every memory of this boy, this man who’s always held my heart. His breathing becomes choppy, nerves evident in the strain of his shoulders. I want to comfort him, tell him that everything will be fine, but the truth is, it won’t be.

This will change everything.

I kiss the inside of his forearm, braced next to my head. “I’ll be okay,” I assure him with false bravado.

Those beautiful lips turn down in a frown before they press against mine. The kiss is soft, gentle even. He’s careful, his tongue hesitant as he slips it inside, testing the boundaries of our friendship. In seconds, we build friction as our bodies take over, grinding against one another in a sinful dance.

With more force, he begins to devour me like a decadent dessert he’s forbidden to have. My every moan, every sigh is lapped up with rushed fury, like this kiss is our last.

It probably will be. First and last.

Deep in this precious moment, he takes me, pushing in without hesitation. My whimpers of pain escape, right into his awaiting mouth as he breaches my barrier, tearing through.

In this moment, we are one.

In this moment, he is mine.

I’m pulling on my shirt when Theo breaks the silence. “So, that was good. You’re okay, right? I didn’t hurt you?” He fidgets with his hem, his eyes roaming from my face to my sandals.

“Yeah, I’m fine. You okay?”

He shrugs, pacing away. “Yeah. I’m good.”

“Good.” I’m folding our blanket, choosing to ignore the red stain that mocks me, when Theo’s phone rings.

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