Page 72 of Gorgeous

I want to go home.

But then I hear Cade grunt before loosening his grip and rasping out to Anniston, “Make it stop. Make it go away.” His voice is pained like whatever he’s reliving in his head is the equivalent to torture.

I stay quiet, letting the hot tears trail down my face as Anniston motions for Theo to hand her the syringe. “I’ll make it go away,” Anniston promises. I barely make out his nod when Anniston says, “I need you to let go of Breck, okay?”

For a moment everything is just dead silent and then Cade jumps back like he’s seeing me for the first time. “Get her out of here!” he roars, trying to push up from the bed, but Theo holds him there, whispering calmly into his ear. I reach out, wanting to comfort Cade but Hayes scoops me up and shakes his head.

“Let’s get you out of here, darlin.” Hayes carries me to the door, allowing me one more glance at the mess I made. Theo squeezes Cade’s shoulders and holds him steady while Anniston injects him with what I guess to be a sedative. The last thing I see before Hayes carries me out the door is Anniston touching Cade’s face and asking, “You still with me?”

And when he answers, “I’m always with you, Commander,” a part of me dies inside.

He doesn’t need me.

I’m crazy for thinking he needed saving. I’m no hero. Everything he needs he has right here. As Hayes carries me across the hall to his room, I finally let go and just fucking cry.

I cry big, fat, ugly tears into his olive-green t-shirt. I cry because I’ve left everyone and everything behind for a cause I thought I was meant for. I cry because I wasn’t there for Bennett when he passed from this world. I cry because I freaked out and couldn’t bring his mentor back from a horrific flashback today. A flashback I caused.

And then I cry for me again because now I love this family like my own but I don’t belong here.

Hayes rocks me back and forth on his bed, quietly shushing me to his solid chest. “Let me get you some clothes, darlin.”

Oh God.

He’s so fucking sweet that I sob louder. Hayes squeezes me tight and kisses the top of my head before sliding me off his lap. Immediately, I roll over on my stomach so he doesn’t see my face. His pillow smells like him, all clean and earthy, and goddammit, the tears keep coming.

After a few minutes the door clicks closed and Hayes sits alongside me, stroking my back calmly. “I grabbed you something from Anniston’s closet. Y’all look to be about the same size.”

I mumble a thank you into his pillow, refusing to look at him. He only chuckles and smacks my ass hard, startling a gasp out of me. Which coincidentally stops my crying.

“Come on, darlin. I need a drink, and from the look of it, so do you. Get up and get dressed. I’ll get us a bottled water before we go.”

Does his offer make me cry more? You betcha. Do I really want to go? Not really, but I nod my consent. I’m not going to let my partner in crime down, so I sit up to face him. There’s no point in worrying about what he thinks about me at this point. He’s seen me in my underwear, pinned down by his commanding officer, and carried me to his room while letting me snot and cry into his shirt which looks like he’s been in a wet t-shirt contest.

“I’m sorry about your shirt,” I say distractedly.

Hayes laughs and claps me on the shoulder, standing up. “Don’t worry about it, honey. Girls cry on me all the time.” And then he rips off his t-shirt and tosses it to the floor. Suddenly my tears are all dried up. Why does he have to be so damn fine? Why are they all so good looking? I mean, I have a hard time finding dates that look even half as good as Hayes, and here is Anniston, living with six hot-as-sin men.

She’s my hero.

And unfortunately, she’s Cade’s, too.

The bar Hayes pulls into reminds me of a horror movie Ben and I used to watch when our parents left us with the nanny while they hobnobbed with the elite of NYC. Tara, the struggling law student by day and nanny by night, never cared what we were doing as long as we didn’t interrupt her study time. Bennett loved horror films. Me, I loved superhero movies.Spiderman. Fantastic Four.Comics. Anything other than a fairytale. Disney movies made me nauseous. Never once, in my ten years did my animals sing or help me clean my room. Nope, when I cried, I cried alone until my big brother could wrap his arms around me and lull me to sleep with his terrible knock-knock jokes. So, as I take Hayes’ hand and let him pull me through the doors of the bar that should be named Titty Twister from that Tarantino film instead of the simple and unassuming name, Patty’s, I feel a bit nostalgic. I miss Ben. He would have loved this place.

“Patty’s has the best beer,” Hayes says, walking backwards, pulling me with one arm. “You like beer? Or do you prefer those girly drinks?”

I’m about to tell him that over a year ago I was a college student, doing keg stands—okay, so that’s an exaggeration—but I can drink beer, even the cheap stuff. But Hayes never lets me get a word in, though, as he continues to weave through the crowd. “I mean, I’m not judging. A drink is a drink. I’m just saying that the beer here is good.”

Finally, he takes a breath and stops at the bar. And smiles at me. Stark white teeth gleam in the dingy overhead lighting, confirming that Hayes never misses a whitening schedule. I stare at the hair sticking to his forehead in the crowded bar. In this light it almost looks brown. His cheekbones aren’t as defined as Cade’s, but they’re prominent enough for you to drag your finger across them and end at the treasure that is his pouty lips. Not that I would do it. Butsomeonecould. It’s a shame those lips belong to a man. I would kill for lips like his. Kylie could suck a bottle for hours and not achieve that kind of pout. His bottom lip significantly fuller than the top one, would be so easy to suck—

“You know, if you keep looking at my mouth like that, darlin, we might end up making some bad decisions tonight.”

Heat scalds my cheeks, but instead of denying that I was staring, I go with honesty. “I’ve made enough bad decisions for one night.”

The towheaded hottie dips his chin in acknowledgement before lifting his sapphire eyes to meet mine. They sparkle with something I can’t quite put my finger on. “If it weren’t for bad decisions, Breck, no one would be certain of anything.” I must look confused because he laughs and nudges me toward the bar. “I’ll take a boilermaker,” he yells to the bartender who lifts one finger in acknowledgement. “What’ll it be, darlin?” I glance around at the other women, eyeing their confidence.

I did not come to Madison thinking helping Cade would be an easy feat.

I came here with the intention of helping Cade, but I don’t seem to have much of an impact other than making matters worse. I want to honor my brother and fulfill his duty to the brotherhood, but I think it may be time to move on.

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