Page 75 of Gorgeous

“Come again?” I ask very calmly, clenching the revolting drink in my hands.

Theo chuckles and stands, walking over to put his empty mug in the sink.

“Holler when you finish spanking some sense into her and we’ll go run.”

I chug the rest of my drink, not even tasting the putrid liquid sliding down my throat, and toss my cup to Theo who catches it easily. I charge out of the kitchen, intent on kicking Hayes’ ass. I throw open the door to his room and find the sweet beauty asleep against, more than likely, his filthy sheets. Alone.

Breck’s hair is fanned out across his pillow, her lips parted ever so slightly, her soft breathing calming down the rage I was just feeling. The mattress indents and she rolls toward me when I sit down next to her. My fingers itch to touch her, but I refrain. She looks so peaceful as she breathes evenly, her eyes fluttering like she’s dreaming.

I’m being a total stalker hovering over her, Hayes’ beer t-shirt askew, showing her flat stomach ever so slightly.

“Oh.” Hayes pokes his head through the door, sweaty and a little green from his run with Anniston. “I came to check on B.”

I swear Breck woke up on her own accord and not because I literally growled an animalistic sound at Hayes that had him backing out the door, closing it, and yelling, “Theo picked us up. I slept on the couch and Anniston helped her to bed. I kept my hands to myself, I swear.”

He better fucking had.

And of course, Von Bremen spared me no mercy by jerking my chain this morning just to see me get worked up. Fucker.

“Hey,” Breck drawls, all groggy from sleep, pulling me from my thoughts. God, I want to touch her. Kissing her would be even better. Honestly, I’m seconds from just groveling at her feet with different renditions of an apology.

Instead, I go with, “Hey.”

Her lip twitches and I think she’s going to smile but then it goes flat. “How are you feeling?” she asks, pulling the blankets up so I can’t see her body. All the air feels like it rushes out of the room.

I did it.

I finally broke her.

I should feel relief but that’s not the emotion I’m currently dealing with. This emotion feels foreign and I’m not quite sure what to do with it.

My hand moves on its own accord, caressing her face, my thumb lingering on her lips. “I know I keep having to apologize for my behavior,” I start, pulling my hand away. “I can’t lie and say I won’t behave poorly again—”

She cuts me off. “You couldn’t help it.”

A ghost of a smile tugs at my lips and I drop my head in shame. She’s right, I couldn’t control it, but fuck if I don’t wish I could.

“I’m sorry you had to see that.” I really am. I thought maybe I had gotten better—that I wouldn’t be triggered by intimacy.

I was wrong. Being with Anniston these past eighteen months have changed nothing in that regard. I’m still as fucked up as before. Breck closes her hand around mine. “Cade.”

I stare at her hand draped over mine, tiny and breakable, just like her heart. “You deserve better than me,” I whisper down at our hands. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her rise up to her knees, pulling her hand off to place it around my waist, her head resting on my shoulder.

“We’ll agree to disagree,” she mutters. “I want you, Cade. Not just the sex. All of you. You’re stubborn and annoying …” I scoff and she squeezes tighter. “But I kind of like you. Every broken piece. I want the whole enchilada.”

I laugh at her ridiculous food reference and then I go still before admitting my issues. “It’s been five years since I’ve tried being with a woman. I don’t know if I’m capable of giving you the ‘whole enchilada.’”

Breck’s breath falters against my neck. “Did the same thing happen then?”

I want to lie.

I want to feel like a normal man who can run through an entire town of pussy without getting emotionally attached to any of them, not a man who can’t make love to a woman without having flashbacks of his gutted team. She deserves the truth even if the truth paints me as a monster. “Yes. It happens every time. I can’t control it.”

Breck’s quick intake of air is the only indication she heard my confession. Hayes’ bedroom stinks, the air feeling stagnant as Breck and I stay quiet.

And then she asks the question that everyone who tries to help me wants to know. “Will you tell me what happened to your team?”

It’s none of her business what happened to my team, but if I ever want to form some kind of relationship with her, I need to be honest. Anniston says purging is the first step to healing. I don’t know if that’s true, but I guess I’m about to find out.

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