Page 110 of Rebellious

He nods, but I can tell he’s wary.

“I promise,” I tell him. “I’ll eat.”

Fenn won’t say why he took a sudden interest in running with me and making sure I eat, but I have one blonde guess. She might not answer my texts, but she’s making sure I’m taking care of myself. Even if it is through her brother.

“I’ll meet you back here at six,” I tell him, changing the subject, tossing a few things in a bag.

Fenn nods and then exhales. “Don’t get arrested.”

“Not a chance.”

After making a stop at a little sandwich shop, I pull into the familiar lot and put the car in park. Getting comfortable, I slide the seat back and recline, taking out a sandwich and leaving the other two sitting inside the cooler. It doesn’t take long after I’ve settled in before the light turns on and a silhouette as stunning as its owner passes by the shaded window.

She sits on the bed, cradling her head in her hands. I can’t tell if she looks tired or if she’s full of restless energy. The blinds she had installed a few weeks ago have prevented me from being privy to any details of how she’s feeling. Although, she could answer my texts, but I haven’t sent open-ended questions to start a conversation.

The truth is, I don’t need a conversation. I know what I want. I’m at peace with my decisions. My plan is in place. All that’s left is finding my opening. So I’m waiting, biding my time until I spot it, then I’m going to throw a Hail Mary and hope it hits its mark.

A few minutes tick by and Aspen’s light goes off, taking her beautiful silhouette with it. Sighing, I snag my pillow and stuff it under my neck. I slept one night without her. That night I thought she had left me for Boston. But never again. Since then, whether or not she knows it, we’ve never slept apart. I don’t care that my neck hurts and I’m stiff from sleeping in the car. Hell, I don’t even care that I owe Maverick Lexington, our campus devil who grants favors, a solid. I needed the cops not to drag my ass out of this lot while I watched my girl, falling asleep when she did. Maverick assured me a detective in the bureau owed him and I was in the clear to stalk away. I don’t know what the favor will costme, but that’s a problem for another time.

It’s not until eleven that I’m startled awake. Sitting up, I scrub at my eyes and look around. The parking lot is quiet, nothing suspicious that would send off alarm bells. Except—I strain to see her in the lamplight. Aspen stands, her shadow pacing in front of the window—restless.

Tilting my head, I take in my girl, her forehead against the shade. She can’t sleep. Like most nights, she doesn’t sleep through the night, instead, working on her computer until morning. Tonight, though, is different. I can feel it deep in my gut.

Tonight is my opening.

Pajamas are discouraged

Aspen

Bennett: I’ll cook on Wednesdays.

Bennett: Fights will always end in sex.

It’s almost midnight and I’m awake. Bennett’s increasing texts are now haunting my dreams. It’s not like I wasn’t already a mess seeing his name pop up on my phone daily, but these texts—these rules—unnerve me. I suppose he doesn’t intend for me to answer. Which I don’t. What would I even say? Are you dying? Are you okay? Do you miss me like I miss you?

It’s not like I haven’t tried to weasel out information from Drew and Fenn, but both turds have kept silent, telling me to ask Bennett myself. They’re super helpful. I even tried Mom and Aunt B. They, too, directed me to Bennett.

I’m not scared to call him. I just promised I would find myself without Bennett. But it wasn’t that simple: I found that finding me, without my best friend, wasn’t a happy me.

I miss Bennett.

I miss his grouchy attitude and ridiculous sense of humor. I miss torturing him into watching a romcom and shoving my cold feet between his legs. I miss his frown, his—I just miss him.

Nothing about finding myself has been amazing. It’s been hard and lonely. And even though I’m happy, finally opening my own agency, it hasn’t been worth celebrating because the first person I thought to call, was the same person I forbid from coming after me.

It was the stupidest rule I’d ever created.

And he followed it to the letter.

I just didn’t think it would hurt this much. For some crazy reason, I hoped finding myself without Bennett would be filled with bar hopping and romantic dinners with new strangers that made my stomach flutter.

None of those things have happened in these past few months. Instead, I moved into my new apartment, leaving all the boxes packed after I opened the first two and found Bennett’s shirt and toothbrush I accidentally grabbed. It was all too much, too foreign.

So, I bought a new wardrobe, used the boxes as furniture, and ate takeout every night. I was miserable until my Mom forced her way into my apartment one day when I refused to call her back for a week. She gasped when she saw the dumpster fire that was my home and set out unpacking all my stuff while I sat on the floor, clutching Bennett’s shirt, and sobbed.

Those were the worst days of my life. I ended up falling asleep in my Mom’s arms while she stroked my hair and told me everything would work out as it should. I knew she was lying. Because the only way things were going to work out is if I went back to Bennett and followed our rules.

And on a cold Thursday night, I grabbed my keys, intending on doing just that. But Mom stopped me, insisting I give myself and Bennett time. I didn’t know about Bennett, but I didn’t need more time to know my life wasn’t the same without him.

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