Page 58 of Rebellious

“What?” I grab her hand from my face and pull it to my lap. “Why would you be jealous of Aspen?”

My mother shrugs, her gaze dropping to our hands. “It’s hard sharing someone sometimes. Especially your own child.” She smiles, but it’s broken. “Drew always wanted me. He reached for me every time I walked into the room.” She pulls her hand from mine, stroking over the top like she’s consoling me. “But you… You never reached for me.”

“Mom—”

She shushes me. “Just listen, son.”

I nod, taking in a breath. I don’t want to know that I’ve disappointed her too.

“Aspen was fascinated with you.” Her voice takes on a wistful quality, as if she’s remembering happy memories and not something she felt jealous of. “She was such a little helper.” She laughs. “At two years old, she begged to feed ‘da beebee’. She was precious as she watched me take care of you two boys. It didn’t take her long to learn your routines. Then she was here, pulling on my clothes every day, wanting to rock you, hold you, and sing you to sleep.”

A tear falls and I wipe her cheek. “Mama. I don’t know what to say.”

She shakes her head. “You watched her, tracked her every movement as she danced around the room, singing, making you laugh.”

She smiles, and it’s pained. “I could never get you to smile. You were such a serious baby. But yet, when Aspen came around, you came alive. You smiled and giggled the sweetest laugh I’d ever heard. You watched herall the time, Bennett. Your brother—” she laughs, “—cared about food and cuddles. But not you. You waited for Aspen. Every day, you starved yourself just so she could feed you. You longed for her, Bennett—something I never thought an infant could do.”

She leans in and kisses my cheek. “And then, when you were ten months old, you decided you were tired of waiting. While Aspen sat on the floor, a book in her hand, making up the words, you stood up and walked, reaching out for her hands.”

A small sob wracks through her chest. “It was the single most amazing thing I’d ever seen. I knew then, Bennett, you had never been mine. You were hers.”

She shrugs and my heart pounds in my chest. “I don’t know what to say.”

She sighs. “I don’t want you to say anything, baby. I’m not telling you this to make you feel guilty.”

Could have fooled me. “Then why are you telling me?” Why are you making me feel like a terrible son? I want to ask, but don’t. I’m not sure I want to know the answer.

She strokes my face. “A love like yours only comes once in a lifetime. I know you struggle with your relationship with Aspen but—”

“We don’t have a relationship,” I lie. “We’re just friends.”

“You can’t lie to me. I’ve been where you are. I’ve loved a man irrationally and irrevocably. You can’t turn it off, Bennett. You can’t force it into a box—it won’t survive.” She strokes my face. “You won’t survive.”

“Have you been watchingLifetimeagain?” I tease.

She swats me on the shoulder, playfully. “Don’t ignore what’s right in front of you, Bennett. You’re stubborn like your father. But there’s only so many times someone can be pushed away before they finally stay gone. Don’t let her get away, Bennett. For once, don’t be stubborn.”

Exhaling, I drop my head to my chest. “I have to,” I tell her. “It doesn’t matter how I feel about her.”

My mom pulls me into her arms, squeezing me tightly. “There’s always a way.”

The entire way to the lake, Mom’s words haunted me.

Had I really waited for Aspen as an infant? Had I grown tired of watching her before I took fate into my own hands? I envision the scene my mom described with a three-year-old Aspen, clapping and holding her small hands out for me to take. Even then, I wanted her. To touch her. To be near her.

“Aww. It’s so cute you think you’re sleeping in your room instead of mine.”

At Aspen’s voice, I grin, shaking off the serious thoughts. I was wondering when she would start in on me. Honestly, she waited longer than I expected. The entire drive here I was silent, allowing only the music to distract us. Aspen didn’t ask questions. I think she knew I was in my head and some things are better kept in silence.

Continuing to fold the shirt in my hand, I return, “It’s adorable you think you have a say in where I sleep.”

In a snap reaction, I drop the shirt, swing around and grab her. If I had one takeaway from my mother’s confession, it was that if this is the last summer I’ll get to spend with my best friend, I’m going to devour every second. If a relationship like ours is once in a lifetime, then I want to remember what it felt like to love her, for once, without consequences.

“Ah!”

She doesn’t have time to react, only screams when I toss her onto the bed. Like a lion, I stalk her from the edge, watching as her chest rises and falls with shock and anticipation. This is the man she wanted; this is the man she craves. Her protector. Her warden. Her love.

With one knee on the edge of the bed, I yank her legs straight as I prowl over her. Her eyes are wide and alight with surprise. At her hips, I hold my weight off her and clasp her chin between my fingers. “I think you’d be wise to remember I still make the rules.”

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