Page 87 of Rebellious

I haven’t decided yet. We still have four weeks left. Hopefully, we’ll know by then.

“I’ll do it next time,” he says, after a heavy-weighted sigh.

I nod, letting him weasel out of it this time. Grabbing his finger, I clean the area and quickly check his sugar. “Have you given any more thought to transferring?”

He nods, both of us looking at the meter. It’s within range, but he still needs his insulin.

I gather the supplies as he watches me. “I think I’m going to transfer schools,” he says. “Would you be okay with that?”

I clean his abdomen and pinch the skin, injecting the medicine. “Transfer where?”

He shrugs. “Wherever you decide to go.”

My heart spasms. Isn’t this what I’ve wanted to hear for so long? “What about football?”

“What about it?”

He’s acting so casual about it, like taking a year off won’t hinder his chances in the draft.

“Football will always be there,” he says, leaning up and tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. “Why? Do you not want me to go with you?”

“No,” I return solemnly. “That’s not it.”

He sits up farther and slides the bag out of the way. “Then what’s wrong?”

What’s wrong is the fact that even him going with me won’t change the rules. We might have written the last rule of the summer, but I’m not naïve enough to think this summer will undo years of responsibility and guilt he feels towards his father. Bennett won’t change his mind after one amazing night with my vagina.

“Aren’t you tired of sacrificing for everyone else?” My words come back to me. AmItired of sacrificing for everyone else?

Bennett’s brows furrow as he pulls me into his arms. “Are you not telling me something?”

I shake my head. “No. I’m just thinking that you’re always looking out for our families.” I flash him a sad smile. “Football is your thing. You shouldn’t give it up for anything or… anyone.”

“Are you saying you’re planning to stay in Atlanta, then?”

I tuck my head into his shoulder. “I don’t know. I’m so confused.”

And scared.

I might have hoped that one day, Bennett would change his mind and stop with the rules, but I don’t know if that hope will die right along with all the other years I’d hoped for the same thing. Being with Bennett is all I’ve ever wanted. But I’m not sure either of us should make such enormous sacrifices that will ultimately leave us in the same position we’ve been in for years.

Friends with rules.

Am I really never going to get married or have children because the rules prevent us from being together? This entire summer was a terrible idea. I should have never suggested it. And yet, I don’t know that I could have ever lived without it.

We’re a mess.

“It’s okay to be confused,” he says, the strength of his arms comforting.

“Yeah,” I agree, snuggling into him and closing my eyes, giving into the sleep I so desperately need. “Let’s just take one day at a time.”

“Fuck off.”

My dress is ruined, and it’s all Bennett’s fault.

“Your mouth is delightful tonight.”

I stop on the side of the dirt road and slip off my shoe and hurl it through Bennett’s window. “Go away!”

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