Page 96 of Rebellious

He takes my hands, gripping them in his. “I—If that’s what you need, we can make it happen. I—”

Can sacrifice for me.

Inhaling, I meet Bennett’s agonizing stare, an emptiness settling in my stomach. “This summer was the best of my entire life.”

Bennett stands there, stock still, the only movement is a lone blood vessel pulsing in his neck. “I don’t want to live without you.”

A single tear of mine falls between us and Bennett closes his eyes.

“We can’t do this to each other anymore.”

Opening his eyes, Bennett grabs me. “I don’t care—”

I shake my head, sniffling. “I care.” Straightening, I clear my throat and pull away. Bennett tracks me with his eyes as I reach into my purse and pull out a marker. It’s the last rule I’ll ever write.

“Give me your arm,” I tell him, a faint trembling in my voice.

“Aspen, I can—” His brow furrows as I take his arm. “Don’t do this,” he pleads.

The sound of his plea breaks the dam of tears as they stream down my face. I clutch his hand one last time before bringing it to my lips, saying my goodbye with one last kiss.

“Aspen, please. I can’t—”

I look up, flashing him a sad smile. “You can live without me, BJ, and unfortunately, I can live without you, too.” I just don’t want to.

I smooth the inside of his arm and place the cap of the marker between my teeth, popping it off and watching it fall to the ground. My mother was right. Sometimes we have to let go of the ones we love and find who we are without them. It might feel like I’m ripping out a piece of myself to do it, but we both deserve all of each other, not just the exceptions.

Placing the tip of the marker to his skin, I write, the tears endless as they smear the ink.

“Aspen,” he pleads, his voice full of gravel and pain.

He knows this is it. “I love you, Bennett Jameson.” I swallow, finishing the first word. “And I will always love you, but we can’t do this anymore.” The second word is finished. “This summer taught me the most valuable lesson of them all.” The third word completes. “Loving you is all-consuming, and without it, I’m empty. I can’t go back to the rules. Our love can’t be a sacrifice.” As I finish the fourth and final word of the last rule, I look up and meet his eyes. They are haunted and glassy, which crushes my heart. “If I’m always going to love you, I need to learn how to fill the void you’re leaving. I deserve all of you, and I can’t ask you to choose me over your father. I can’t ask you to risk your family by loving me, and I refuse to derail your career. But what I can do, is decide for both of us. We need to move on.”

A tear falls and this time it’s not mine. “Don’t do this.”

My insides feel like broken glass, cutting and nicking the pit of my stomach as Bennett brings his arm forward and reads the rule.

Don’t come for me.

It’s a rule meant to protect us both.

“I can’t honor this,” he says, clearing his throat.

I drop the marker on the ground and encase his face with my hands. “Yes, you can, and you will,” I tell him. “Because you’re a good man, Bennett Jameson. And an honorable man knows when it’s time to let go. I love you and maybe one day, I’ll be able to come to dinner on Sundays and sit across from you and not feel pain. But for now…” I shake my head and sniffle, my heart breaking into a thousand tiny pieces. “But for now, I need to grieve. Take care of yourself, BJ.” I kiss his lips. “I’ll be watching you and no matter what, I’ll always be your biggest fan.”

With that, I pick up what’s left of my heart, and leave my childhood love standing frozen and doing what I knew he would, obeying the rule. He won’t come after me because that’s not who he is. Strong men, loyal men, do what’s best for their people. His family is everything to him. And I am included in that family.

Bennett will never put himself first, so I did. He deserves for someone to look out for his best interest, even if that sacrifice comes with the destruction of my heart. I’m lucky enough not to worry about my father leaving my mother or my father losing the battle with his own demons.

But Bennett does, and I refuse to make him choose and be someone he isn’t. If I have to take the brunt of the pain to ensure he and his father live a happy life, then I will. Because I love them both beyond measure.

Except, I can’t be here to do it. I can’t look at Bennett, still loving him, and not have him. I’m not that strong. So, I’m removing myself from the equation. I might not want this Boston job, but it ensures I won’t get in the car on an awful night and crawl through Bennett’s window.

I’m tough, but notthattough. My heart bleeds for this man and I know unless distance separates us, I’ll never quit him.

I attempt to suck up the tears when I get back to my brother, but when his eyes are glassy too as he snatches me to his chest, wrapping me in a tight hug, I just sob into his chest. “You’re gonna be fine,” he tells me, trying to sound annoyed.

“I know,” I mumble into his chest. “You stay out of trouble, okay? I won’t be there to give you an alibi.”

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