Page 80 of The Potter

She shrugs. “Not yet, but that doesn’t mean I won’t. But at least I rest in the knowledge there are people out there like me, who will forgive and give me hope that I can try again and be a better person.”

“Do you think Caleb is a better person?”

“I don’t know.” She pulls at my neck, and I meet her halfway, placing a kiss to her lips. “But I know that despite your tragedy,youare a good person, Dr. Potter. And it’s people like you that give me hope that one day, Caleb will be, too.”

Vance

“Sometimes, I still call him a dickhead, but he’s a forgiven dickhead at least.”

Her words, as the sun came up with her wrapped in my arms, still linger with me a week later. Will Calista ever feel like Halle does? Will she ever find it in her heart to forgive me? Better yet, will I ever find it in my heart to forgive myself?

Halle said it was a choice, a constant decision she must remind herself to make.

Is that what I need to do in order to move on from this?

Do I deserve another chance to help patients like Halle?

I want to.

I do.

But with each passing second of this conversation, that hope is dwindling.

“Vance, are you listening to me?”

I cast a look up at Astor. “I heard you. We were fifteen grand short last month.”

“Yes!” He looks exasperated already. “Because you haven’t performed a surgery in a year!”

Astor paces around my office, tugging at his tie. “I thought you would be able to put this behind you. I thought the therapist was helping.”

He thought wrong.

“Relax, I’m getting back into the operating room next week.” I promised Halle a fresh start; it’s time I delivered on that promise. Though, it doesn’t make it any easier going back into a room where my life was completely destroyed.

Astor stops, realization sinking in. “Who?”

I swirl the bourbon in my glass. “You know who.”

“Halle,” he breathes, nodding like we can all handle this. “Duke and I will be in there with you.”

I don’t say no.

“We’ll run over the procedure notes together so there won’t be any surprises,” he continues, his mind shifting into surgeon-mode. “Nothing will happen to her. We’ll make sure of it.”

Two years ago, I would have punched my brother in the face for acting like I even needed his or Duke’s help in the operating room. Frankly, it’s a giant fucking insult to suggest I need their supervision. “Thanks. I’m sure Halle will feel better with you both there.”

I would too, but I’d never admit it to Astor. He’s already more worried about my mental health than he should be.

“Do you have an exact day next week?”

I shake my head. “No, I need to talk to Halle—make sure she’s ready.”

Astor nods. “She’s more than ready, but let me know when you decide, and I’ll make sure my schedule is clear.”

I should be grateful I have such thoughtful brothers, but the panic of going back to the operating room and slicing open a woman that has become more than a friend, overwhelms me. “Appreciate it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get to a meeting.”

I stand up and make my way to the door, ignoring Astor’s watchful eye. “See you tonight at the gym?” I need someone to beat some sense or calmness into me. I’ll take either at this point.

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