Page 11 of The Refiner

This simple change in her appearance is what keeps my feet rooted in reality.

My sister had a baby.

And ultimately, she died for this baby.

Why? Why didn’t she tell me? I wouldn’t have given her hell about it. Okay, I would have. But I wouldn’t have meant it. I would only tease her because she gave me so much shit as a teenager about not getting pregnant before I was ready.

Piper’s circumstances are different than mine, though. I will never be ready for a baby. I can barely take care of myself, but my sister? She could definitely raise a child and be a well-respected surgeon all at the same time.

She’s badass like that. Or was badass like that…

My chest clenches, and I want so much for this to be a nightmare—one where I wake up next to Kenny and curse him for letting me have way too much to drink. How can one person be forced to endure so much tragedy in one lifetime?

Haven’t Piper and I suffered enough? Was losing our parents when Piper was a teenager not payment enough? Was it not enough that she dropped out of high school two months before graduation to work full-time in order to take care of me? Was it not enough that she jumped through hoops for social services to prove she was fit to take care of her little sister? Did Piper not pay enough to the world by giving up everything to raise me?

I don’t bother drying the tears when I say to Dr. Cox and his nurse, “Piper loved being a doctor. It was the only thing she did for herself. The rest of her life, she sacrificed for everyone else.”

Just like she did for her baby.

Piper would have been the best mother. She’s long proved herself with me.

“Is the baby okay?” I finally ask.

“She is. She’s in the Neonatal ICU. She’s a little premature, but she’s doing well. You can see her if you’d like.”

I shake my head. “I can’t right now.” I don’t want to leave my sister’s side. If my time with her is finite, I want to spend every second with her until her final breath. She gave up her life for me; I won’t let her leave hers without knowing I’m here.

“Of course, we planned to notify the father after speaking with you.”

So they know who he is. Well, there’s a light in this pit of doom. Someone I can take out all this pain on. “I’ll take care of it. Do you have his number?” I make it sound like Piper would want me to be the one to do it.

The nurse nods and tears off a slip of paper, handing it over. “All we have is the office number.”

I nod, staring at the numbers. “That’s all I need.”

Astor

All I taste is copper—blood.

“What the fuck? Are you trying to kill yourself?” My brother Vance hauls me to my feet, pushing me against the ropes of the boxing ring where I’ve been letting him beat my ass for the past half hour. “Put your fucking hands up and hit back, or I’m going home. I’m in no mood to take your dumbass to the hospital.”

I chuckle. “Don’t act so scandalized.” I spit out a mouthful of blood. “I told you I needed you to hit, not talk. Besides, you owe me.”

My younger brother stares at me, likely trying to figure out my change in behavior from hours ago when we saw each other at the office. “You couldn’t sleep or something?”

“Or something,” I agree.

I didn’t ask my brother here for a heart-to-heart. I asked him here for the numbness. Vance is ruthless in the boxing ring; he doesn’t care if you’re having a bad day. He’ll fight with you as if it were your best day.

Luckily for him, I was counting on it.

But rather than bask in his win, he’s pissed. “So, you couldn’t sleep and decided to come here and just let me beat you into a blackout?”

Something like that.

He scoffs. “Jeez, Astor. What the fuck is wrong with you? I could have killed you.”

Doubtful. Just because Vance is aggressive in the boxing ring doesn’t mean he’s the better fighter. He’s slow and acts on emotions. Something I don’t do.

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