Page 29 of The Refiner

Keagan is quiet for the longest time, staring at me like she can’t decide if she wants to believe me. “No wonder my sister slept with you.” She swipes her hand through the air in the direction of my body. “Other than the obvious.”

Kenny makes a noise like he can confirm her suspicions.

“Your sister and I were good friends.”

“Friends who slept together?” She wants me to prove the rest of her suspicions.

“We were friends who slept together once,” I confirm. “We were not dating, nor did I know she was pregnant when I left on my mission trip.”

She throws her head back and looks at the ceiling. “A freaking mission trip….”

“Your sister has done several of these mission trips with me. It’s how we met.”

Tears stream down her face. I can’t tell if she’s relieved to know I wasn’t avoiding her sister or still angry her sister slept with me in the first place. Regardless, she doesn’t give me time to figure it out when she stands, walking over and taking my hand. “I need your help.”

I nod. “Anything.”

“I need you to tell her goodbye.”

Astor

Dear Astor,

I tried to wait, but the anticipation was just too much. I had to know if a little girl was responsible for all this exhaustion or if it was a little boy who kicked me all night long. But I should have known that it could only be another McKellan princess giving me this much grief. Keagan would be proud. I can’t wait to tell her when you come home. Maybe we can tell her together. She’s less likely to kill you if I’m there. Kidding. She’ll forgive us… eventually.

When you’re ready, we can tell her the whole story.

Stay safe and take care of yourself.

I have our daughter covered.

Ps: I’ve been researching baby names. What do you think about Tatum? It means cheerful and bringer of joy. I know when you finally get to read this letter, you’ll still be in shock, but eventually, I think you’ll agree that joy is precisely what this little girl brings us. Think about it.

Piper

Tears drip onto the pages—not mine, but Keagan’s. “I couldn’t get past her first letter,” she admits, swiping at her eyes. “All I could think was you were like every other man I know and didn’t believe the baby was yours.” She points to the next letter. “I thought they were all letters pleading for you to trust her. I couldn’t bear to read more.”

It makes sense now why Keagan hated me and left all those hateful messages. “I very well could have been who you thought I was. You didn’t know me.”

“Yeah,” she sniffles, “but I know Piper, and she would never be friends with a piece of shit. I should have trusted her friendship with you.”

And I should’ve called Piper from the ship. I shouldn’t have made her feel like she needed to write these letters. We could have talked about all of this. Deep down, I know she did the right thing. Keagan is right, she knows Piper, and Piper knew me. She knew I would need to see the proof for myself. I needed the tests. Piper didn’t need me dampening her pregnancy experience with questions and frustrations. I wouldn’t have been able to focus on my patients. I would have worried and been overcome with anxiety.

So Piper did what she always does, the right thing. She knew I couldn’t leave the ship because all of those patients needed my help. She waited and documented everything, so I would have what I needed when it came time to face reality. “If it helps to renew your hatred, I was avoiding your sister, but not because of the baby. I could have called her or emailed after she sent the first letter, but I didn’t. I wanted complete detachment.”

“Did your need for detachment have anything to do with the whole story she mentioned in her letter?”

I nod, smoothing out the letter before closing the book. “Yes.”

“But you’re not ready to tell me yet?”

I force my gaze to meet Keagan’s. She’s so vulnerable, so hopeful for anything to hold on to. “Knowing the whole story won’t make this any easier.” It’s the truth. Nothing I tell her will change the fact her sister is dying. Her knowing that mine and Piper’s relationship wasn’t one of unconditional love won’t ease her pain. It’ll only make it worse.

For a moment, Keagan just stares at me. Not moving, not saying anything, just staring. Finally, she nods. “Okay, I can accept that. But I need to know one thing.”

These past few hours sitting with Keagan haven’t been as awful as I thought. I fully expected she would grill me with questions while hurling insults, but she hasn’t. She simply asked for my blessing in letting Piper see the baby before letting her rest for good.

But now, after we’ve sat for hours going over Piper’s letters, I’m more on edge about what she could want. “What do you want to know?”

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