Page 33 of The Refiner

And destroying my heart.

We stayed in the nursery, where I fed Tatum until she was full. Again, Astor managed to remain hands-off with his mysterious man illness.

But I didn’t care.

Because I wanted all the baby cuddles.

I wanted all that my sister left behind.

Who knows what will happen after Piper passes? Will Astor take Tatum home, let his big family rally around him and keep her from me? Will he say I’m unstable or not good enough for Tatum—that she needs a normal family and a crazy Aunt Keys who hates men, isn’t it? Will he marry someone else? Maybe one of these nurses will become Tatum’s new mama. Will Tatum never know of her mama who gave her life? Will she never know about the McKellan traditions of tiaras and ring pops on birthdays? Will she never know me and how I would trade places with her mama in a heartbeat? I would give anything for Tatum to grow up like I had—in Piper’s light. She would have been a fantastic mother because she already was—for me.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this, love?”

I look at Tatum asleep in my arms and then at Kenny. “I will be.”

It’s not a yes or a no, but a simple statement. I’ll honor my sister’s wishes. I’ll find the strength to get through this for Tatum. Her life has just started, and while I wish it had started a little differently, these were the cards she was dealt. She has a good father—I hope, who I won’t let erase Piper or me out of her life. I’ll pick up where Piper left off and love this baby enough for Piper and me. I’ll use everything she taught me—everything she did for me, and I’ll pour it into this little girl, so she’ll know her mother and all her goodness.

Warm hands press down on my shoulders, giving me the strength he promised yesterday.

I might not be Astor’s biggest fan, but I’m not silly enough to think I can do this without him and Kenny by my side.

“When you’re ready.” Dr. Cox stands at Piper’s bedside, a nurse next to him. When I nod, they turn off the machines and disconnect the tubes. There’s no noise. No audience. The lights aren’t dimmed. Everything is just the same as it was. Everyone’s lives are going on as planned while mine is being destroyed.

It’s a humbling experience—a time where you’re reminded that you were once someone’s entire world, but to the world, you’re just another body.

I’m not special because my sister is dying—that I hold the little girl she’s leaving behind. We’re no one.

Astor squeezes my shoulders, and I walk forward, past Dr. Cox, past the nurse, straight to my sleeping princess. “Piper,” I say, watching as Astor rounds her bed too, pulling back the sheets and making a space in Piper’s arms for her baby. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I didn’t break Mr. Fancy Pants; your daughter did.” Astor snorts, but I ignore it, leaning over and placing Tatum in the crook of Piper’s arm. “I know, I wish it would have been me too, but I think we can all agree it needed to happen. Someone needed to knock him down a notch or two. He had far too many things going for him. Nothing like a surprise baby to humble a man, huh, Pipe?”

My sister doesn’t move at my digs at Astor; she doesn’t even stroke her daughter’s head. “Look at him, Piper. Look at your prince—at your daughter.” My voice rises. “Look at them, Piper! He won’t know how to change her diaper or wipe her front to back. He needs a woman to tell him what to do.” My words are coming out as fast as my hands are trembling. “We need you!”

I’ve turned into a full-blown lunatic. I thought I could do this. I thought I could let my sister go calmly, but I can’t. My heart is crumbling as her breathing slows.

“Tell her, Kenny! Tell her we need her!”

Tears rain down Kenny’s cheeks; he can’t even look at me anymore.

“Tell her, Astor, tell her you need her! Make her wake up!”

The nurse must realize this is not going well since she pushes past me and scoops up Tatum. But then I realize when Astor takes Piper’s hand, her tattoo mocking me as he brings it up to his lips and kisses her, it’s time. My sister is drawing her last breaths. “I can never repay you for the gift you’ve given me. I can only promise to love her with everything I am. Rest, my friend.” He lays her hand down and presses a kiss on her cheek. “I have your girls now.”

I can’t even digest his words; I can only feel white-hot rage as everyone just accepts Piper dying. “Don’t tell her you have it covered! Tell her we need her! She can’t leave us!”

Astor moves, his arms going around me in a flash, his embrace immovable, his words leaving no room for argument when he demands, “You can do this, sweetheart. Tell your sister you love her. Let her go knowing you’re okay—because you will be okay, Keys. I’ll make sure of it.”

He’s wrong. I won’t be okay. Not without Piper.

Astor can’t fix the broken. He couldn’t fix my sister. He won’t be able to fix me.

Shrugging off his embrace, I do what I’ve done for years and crawl into the bed next to my sister. Hugging her with all my strength, I offer her the only thing I have left as she takes her final breath in my arms—one lastI love you.

Keagan

Red-streaked eyes and a steady throbbing in my temple is all that remains of my meltdown and goodbye to Kenny. He wanted to stay longer, but I wasn’t very good company. Besides, he had a shift soon and a long drive ahead.

It’s better this way anyway.

Something inside me changed when Piper left this world—something irrevocable.

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