Page 36 of The Refiner

What the heck? She’ll never ‘bust all the balls’ as long as she’s locked up in her apartment.

“I’m so not allowing you to raise my niece to be a smoking-hot cat lady.”

A deep and crazy-sexy laugh rumbles from Astor’s chest. “A cat lady? Is that really what you think about me?”

“Can you blame me? You seem a little too put together.” Except for this whole shy around Tatum thing, but I don’t say that. “And put-together people breed put-together children. But since you’ll be raising Tatum without her mother, I can only imagine the whole protective dad ideology where you lock her away for safekeeping so no man—even boring ones like yourself—can taint her. Aka, you’ll create a very hot and introverted cat lady.”

I roll my eyes at his frown. “Cat ladies are amazing. I’m not talking down about cat lovers. Hell, my sister was Queen Cat Mama sans the cat. She couldn’t help that she was beautiful and shy—she worked hard on that patio garden at her house—which I killed, by the way. I can barely remember drinking water myself, much less water plants. I’m just saying, Tatum, here, has my genes in her too.”

Astor narrows his eyes, his lip twitching at the corner.

“Don’t look at me like I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’ve flipped past the Discovery Channel before. I know Tater-bug shares like a millimeter of my DNA. Therefore, with my involvement in her life, she’ll be more like the hot dog lady at the park who yells profanity at the geese when they get carried away with that quacking while she’s trying to write a love story about magical trolls under a shaded willow tree.”

I’m panting by the time I’m finished with my declaration, which apparently amuses Astor, if his smile is any indication. “I see.”

He fingers the blanket delicately, almost touching the tiny baby foot hanging out the bottom. “I’ll be sure to write that down with all the other things I don’t know.”

“You think I’m lying to you about kangaroo care? Because I will find the nurse and have her…”

Astor’s finger grazes the bottom of Tatum’s heel.

Holding my breath, I watch as Astor becomes braver, moving his finger across the sole of her foot. “She really is beautiful,” he muses softly. “I’ll never be able to repay Piper for the gift she’s given us.”

I notice he says us and not him.

“Yeah,” I sigh, “Piper is obnoxiously thoughtful.” It takes me a minute to realize what I said and the crushing weight from earlier returns. “I mean, shewasobnoxiously thoughtful.”

Is this what I have to look forward to for the next year, as I painfully grieve my sister? Learning to refer to her in the past tense and not the present. She wasn’t so thoughtful about that. Piper knows I only write in the present tense. She’s changing up my whole brand—my whole life. What was she thinking, helping everyone her entire life and then up and dying on me without so much as a farewell card?

I didn’t even realize I had started crying until I feel Astor’s finger swipe along my cheek, catching a betraying tear.

“You don’t have to do that,” I tell him.

He sits back against the sofa. “Do what?”

“Baby me.” I don’t mean for the words to come out harshly. “I’ll be fine. It’s Tatum that needs you.”

Ugly much, Keys?

“Who says I’m babying you?”

Was that a laugh? Did he just laugh at me? “This is a serious conversation. Stop trying to make it sound like I’m being ridiculous.”

“Is that what I’m doing?”

The smile he flashes is not cute. As a matter of fact, it only pisses me off more.

“Um, yes. Clearly, only one of us in this room is ridiculous, and it isn’t the one kangarooing a baby on her chest—which is so what her father should be doing right now, but he’s scared.”

Somehow, Astor manages to make me feel guilty when his smile fades into a tight frown.

“I’m not…” He swallows and glances at Tatum squirming against me.

“Scared? Sure you are, but let’s pretend you aren’t until the hospital discharges her.” He’ll have to hold her then.

Like I just told him I had lice, Astor springs up from the sofa, tugging at his hair while he paces, talking to himself? Us? Who knows? “I don’t know what I was thinking. I can’t do this. A baby?” He looks over at us and groans. “Babies need their mothers. I can’t…”

His gaze looks far away as he stares absently out the window. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe Astor isn’t scared of breaking Tatum. Maybe he’s scared she’ll break him.

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