Page 39 of The Refiner

Sitting up, I turn serious, hitching Tatum up my chest. “You’re not gonna puke on her, are you?”

It’s as if Astor forgets what a monumental moment this is and stops, sucking in a sharp breath. “I won’t throw up.”

His words hold a finality about them. Honestly, I wouldn’t have even questioned him if he hadn’t gone pale when I shifted. But I feel deep in my soul that whatever scares this man about his daughter, he won’t allow it to bring any harm to her. And I can live with that security.

“I’m going to put her on your chest now.” I nod in the direction of his exposed chest, just in case he’s forgotten exactly where that might be. “Right on top of your heart.”

He doesn’t nod or acknowledge me in any way. He simply locks his gaze on the infant in my arms as I stand, dragging in a shaky breath, just as I bend over and lay her over his heart.

It takes me precisely six deep breaths before I start crying.

And it’s all Astor’s fault.

As soon as I placed Tatum on his chest, his arms went around her. She looked so small, so protected in his bulky arms, that I couldn’t stop the overwhelming feeling of joy as I watched Astor’s eyes glass over as he lowered his cheek to her tiny head. But it was his body that sent me over the edge as he cradled his daughter and silently sobbed.

It was the first time I’ve seen him truly lose control.

He wasn’t the put-together surgeon who promised to be strong.

He was simply a man.

A scared father who held his daughter for the first time.

I’ve never witnessed a moment as powerful as watching Astor hold his daughter skin to skin. And standing here—alone—as Astor loves on the only connection I have left of Piper, I can’t help but revel in the beauty of the bond of a new family and drown in the pain of never having such a bond again.

My family is gone.

My bond is gone.

My girl is gone.

I’m full-on silent-sobbing, too, when Astor’s voice breaks through the pain. “I need you, Keagan.”

I raise my head, clearing my eyes and see true pain etched on Astor’s face.

“I’m sorry?”

He clears his throat, taking a moment to settle himself with another breath. “I said I need you.”

“You need me for what?”

I’ve found jumping to conclusions with Astor doesn’t serve me all that well.

“I need your help with Tatum.”

At first, I think he’s just being nice and trying to include me in their little family bond, but then he takes my hand and squeezes. “I know you think I should be qualified to care for a child, but I’m not.” He shakes his head. “Your sister knew I couldn’t…” His voice trails off like he didn’t mean to say all that.

“My sister knew what, Astor? That you work too much? That you’re never home?”

Suddenly, leaving Tatum doesn’t seem all that settling.

Astor inhales and looks me in the eyes. “I owe your sister a promise.”

Ugh. I thought this was something juicy. “Don’t we all.” I wave away his concern. “Trust me. She expects us to back out of 99% of those promises. Piper knows we suck.”

Just like Piper knows I’m not going to be nice to Astor forever. The honeymoon phase will wear off. He need not concern himself with that.

“No, before I went on the mission trip, we made a deal.”

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