Page 61 of The Refiner

She opens her mouth to argue, but I cut her off.

“This discussion isnotover…” I take a long look at my daughter cradled in her arms and shake my head. “Not by a long shot.”

I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, Keagan will not be one of them.

“I’ll give you tonight,” I tell her, “butonlytonight.”

Fortunately, she didn’t need the night—only an hour.

“I changed my mind. For just this once, I want a free pass to do what I want.”

And then she closes my bedroom door behind her.

Keagan

Itried.

I tried to hate him.

Tried to make excuses.

But I’m lonely.

And he’s familiar—the only person who knows what I’m going through.

But peoplewouldtalk. All my sister’s colleagues would view her in a cheap light. They’d throw away all the noble rumors they might have conjured up while she lie dying after having Astor’s baby. They’d congratulate Astor like it’s a reward to knock up a woman, but Piper, they’d say she was just a conquest. Then whatever she and Astor really had between them would be overshadowed by lies.

They’d think I played with Astor’s emotions. They’d say I took advantage of his delicate state. They’d say I betrayed Piper.

But they didn’tfeelwhat happened when he pressed his lips to mine.

They wouldn’t understand that I finally felt warm and alive—that I didn’t despise a man’s touch for once.

They wouldn’t understand that I hate myself for being enamored with Astor Potter. I don’t want to feel better in his presence. I want to hate him. I want to find flaw after flaw that proves he’s just like all the other men I know.

But I can’t.

Heaven knows I’ve tried.

Astor makes me smile—even when I don’t want to.

Picking on him makes me laugh.

Being in his presence makes me feel whole—like the deep wound my sister left isn’t as open as it should be. Astor is deep and kind. He’s not a playboy surgeon that spends his time chatting up women who mean nothing to him.

This man spent six months not making money at his private plastic surgery practice to donate his services to children. Children! Not adults who wanted face lifts. Children! And then he took off twelve weeks to spend time with his daughter. He’s a man who climbed a tree to sit with me in silence. He’s made sure I’ve eaten and had his hand to hold while I perused a room full of coffins, trying to pick the perfect one for my sister.

He held up dress after dress while I cried and screamed. He dug through a box of pictures, pulling out the most recent ones of me and Piper. He laid them out on the table and asked me to tell him the stories of each of them. When I was through, he slid the picture of me and Piper at my college graduation, right before I got her shitfaced with tequila shots, over to me.

“You smiled the most in this one,” he had said. “Perhaps she could wear the dress in this picture?”

The man is unbelievably patient. He’s not bothered with my outbursts or my need to keep everyone at a distance. I feel alive with him. I don’t feel like a burden or even an unwanted guest. Astor treats me like he’s known me forever. Things are just comfortable between us.

And. I. Want. Him.

I’m tired of denying myself. I’m tired of making excuses. I want Dr. Potter more than I’ve ever wanted a man.

“And what is it that you want, Keagan?”

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