Page 80 of The Refiner

I shrug. “It was how I felt. What kind of man was I if I couldn’t procreate?”

“So you told Piper that you didn’t want the procedure?”

I nod. “She understood, especially when I told her of Rebekah’s pregnancy and upcoming baby.”

Keagan falls back on the floor dramatically. “You are such a better person than me. You couldn’t have paid me to go to that bitch’s baby shower.”

Leaning down, I pull her from the floor and into my lap. “I had a reputation to protect. I never told my family about why Rebekah and I were divorcing. All they knew was it was a mutual separation, and that she found someone immediately.”

Her eyes narrow. “They could do the math. They knew she was a trifling whore.”

I grin. “But unlike you, no one would dare say that to me.”

“So, your brothers just minded their own business?” She scoffs. “No way would I have let P-Money get away with that secret.”

Neither of us bring up the fact that Piper did, in fact, keep a secret from her.

“My brothers knew I would tell them when I was ready.”

“And were you ever ready?”

I lower my head, inhaling her hair as I cradle her against me. “No. But the baby shower changed me. I became angry and detached. All I wanted to do was work. Having my own family became irrelevant. Only my brothers and my job mattered to me.”

“But?”

“But the pain in my groin intensified, and I had to see your sister again. But unlike the previous time, there were more tests involved. Tests that made me feel less like a man. I couldn’t even walk inside the exam room, much less let her—” I wave my hand between us, “—run some tests. I was embarrassed. Here I was, a prestigious surgeon discussing my sperm count with a colleague.”

“Piper has been on worse dates, trust me. That was probably her typical Friday,” she says, trying to lighten the mood.

“Your sister knew I was two seconds from bolting. There was no way after the humiliation I felt with Rebekah’s betrayal that’d I’d be able to come in a cup again. I couldn’t even discuss the pain down—” I can’t even finish. Even talking about it now causes me grief. Infertility is hard enough to discuss, but infertility for a man is a blow to everything we are. Men are supposed to be the strong ones, and here I was, barren and without a wife in the prime in my life.

“Hey,” Keys loops her arms around my neck, “no judgment here. If it helps, I can tell you about some really bad urinary tract infections, where I literally thought my vag was poisoning me.”

I snort. “That’s okay. I think I can make it without one of those stories.”

“You can always change your mind. I have plenty saved up here.” She taps her head, which just makes this whole scene feel like the one I had with her sister.

“You’re more like your sister than you think,” I tell her.

She turns quiet, waiting for me to tell her more.

“When it was clear I was about to leave Piper’s practice and never speak to her again, Piper grabbed my hand and led me to her office. She poured us a glass of whiskey from a bottle she kept in her drawer and we both took a drink. And then another. Then she told me how even fertile women like herself struggled with the reality of never having a child of their own. She never had time to date or even raise a child with the hours she kept, but that didn’t mean she didn’t want one.”

Keagan’s face drops. “I’m the reason she never had the time for a child. She was constantly doing things for me.”

I tip her chin up with my finger. “She wanted to do those things for you. You were all she had. She talked about you all the time—how proud she was of you.”

“But, like you, she wanted a baby.”

I pull her into my chest, murmuring into her hair, “We both had barriers in our lives.”

“But then you somehow managed to knock her up anyway? Did you both strike some kind of deal and do in vitro?”

“What a story that would have been, huh?” I laugh. “Unfortunately, our story wasn’t as interesting. After we had drinks that night, she gave me the cup again. Told me she was going to grab dinner and to leave a sample on her desk.” I swallow, the emotion bubbling up. “She knew I wouldn’t be able to face her and give her a sample. She said it would be easier if I was tipsy.”

“Wouldn’t the alcohol mess up the sample?”

I shrug. “She already knew it was low. We had already determined that much the last time. But the last time I was more confident, thinking it was a kidney stone or something. I never thought I was infertile.” Leaning back, I take a breath. “Anyway, I think it was Piper’s way of just breaking the ice, getting me used to the idea of running tests on such a sensitive subject matter that clearly wasn’t going away anytime soon.”

---