Page 84 of The Refiner

Men. I swear.

“What if you feel bad tonight? Don’t you think you should have left it open that we might need her to watch Tatum,” I say when we’re back in the car.

“No, because I’ll be fine by tonight.”

But he wouldn’t be fine because twenty minutes later, when we’re parked at the hospital, he wouldn’t get out of the car.

“You can change your mind,” I tell him. “You’re still a man, no matter what that bitch said. Infertility doesn’t define you. A good woman would understand.”

Astor drags his gaze to mine. “Would you understand? If your husband could never give you a child that shares your DNA?”

I take a moment and really think about how to answer. “Yes, I would understand. I would love him regardless of what he could give me. When I marry a man, it will be unconditional.”

It shocks me that I saidwhenI marry and notif. Seems like Astor has had more of an effect on my life than I thought.

“But if he could try to make it possible, would you want him to try?”

I clasp his cheeks between my hands, so he can’t turn away when I say, “I’d ask him how far he was willing to go to get whathewanted.”

He jerks in my hands.

“What? Was that the wrong thing to say?” Hurrying, I try to fix that strange look on his face. “All I’m saying, Astor, is this isn’t about anyone else but you. You love children. It’s clear to everyone around you. And if having more children is something that you want, then I would tell you to do it.”

“And if it fails?” He swallows thickly. “Would you still love him if he couldn’t give you a biological child?”

He must see the confusion on my face because he quickly adds, “Hypothetically, of course.” This question doesn’t feel all that hypothetical.

“Astor,” I whisper in the confines of the car, “do this for you. Not anyone else.”

After a moment of searching my eyes, he nods, pulling my hands from his face and kissing the palms. “Thank you.”

And then he gets out of the car.

“Wait!” I jump out after him. “I would still love him—my hypothetical husband—even if he couldn’t give me biological children. As long as he could be happy with just me.”

I don’t know how long we stare at each over the hood of the car, but it’s long enough that I need to shift my weight to the other foot, and Astor has time to come around to my side and take my hand.

“You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?”

I grin, glad he’s back to teasing. “I think you like it though.”

“That I do, Keys. That I do.”

He pulls me into his side, and we walk inside the hospital—together—to finish what he started with my sister.

Keagan

I’m close to a panic attack.

It’s been three hours, and no one has been out to tell me how Astor is doing. The doctor said it wouldn’t take long at all—less than an hour—and it’s been two hours longer than that.

I walk up to the nurses’ desk, again, for the third time. “Please. Is there any news?” The woman manning the desk isn’t as nice as Carly or Dr. Cox were, when I was here the last time with Tatum and Piper. She doesn’t know that my heart started beating out of my chest as soon as we got into the elevator.

But it’s not like I can tell this nurse that my sister died here and I can’t stand not knowing what is going on with one of the only two people I care about. What if something happened and he coded? What if his heart stopped like Piper’s?

Oh, God.

“Please. Please just check with the doctor.” I’ve resorted to pleading and I’m okay with that if it gets her to call the doctor—or anyone—that may know the answers.

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