Page 62 of The Sculptor

“What is this?”

His jaw ticks. “The death certificate of our son.”

I don’t remember Kelly hugging me.

All I remember are the beautifully decorated Christmas trees in the windows of the nearby shops as Duke walks us to the car, closing the door on our past and leaving it in the hands of a stranger.

We told our story—reliving every painful detail like it was merely yesterday and not almost two decades ago.

“Do you think we would know?” I finally ask him as we drive home in silence. “Do you think we would know if Jude was really dead?”

Duke clears his throat, his jaw working harshly. “I’ve never imagined him any other way.”

I can see that. Duke lost hope that night at the hospital.

“How about you?” he asks. “Doyoufeel any different at seeing the death certificate?”

For a minute, I almost say yes. Seeing in print that Jude Potter died the same day he was born at Mercy General Hospital was a shock to my system. That’s for sure. But did it make me feel any different? I don’t think so.

“I should have checked the medical records,” I admit. “That should have been the first place I checked when my mother told me he was alive.”

But something tells me, even if I had thought to check, I probably wouldn’t have. I wanted to believe he was alive and still waiting for us to find him.

Duke shrugs. “You gave us hope when we needed it the most.”

“But what if I’m wrong? What if my mother lied so I would be happy and move on?”

He squeezes my hand reassuringly. “Do you feel like she lied?”

“I don’t know what to think,” I admit. “I’d like to think she wouldn’t spend her last moments lying to her only daughter.” But my chest tightens anyway. “Surely her soul had limits.”

“And what about your soul?” His eyes turn serious. “Does it long for the life we created, or does it grieve the life we lost?”

A rogue tear drips down my face. “It longs.” I let out an agonizing cry. “It longs so very much.” Holding my stomach, I start to rock gently. “But what if it’s wrong? What if I’m killing your soul by making you relive losing him all over again?”

What if I lose them both?

“Hey, look at me.”

“You need to pay attention to the road,” I mumble. “I’m okay.”

I’ve resorted to feeling sorry for myself.

“You know what, Ray?” Duke chuckles, and the sound gets my attention.

“What?”

His eyebrows jump as he lowers his voice to a whisper. “We’ve been here before.”

“Oh, shut up.” I’m in no mood for his mess.

“I’m serious,” he says, pulling over onto the side of the road. “For years, we’ve been told Jude didn’t make it. If you didn’t believe that, then this death certificate shouldn’t change your mind now.”

He’s making sense, but… “Why didn’t you tell me you had the certificate before?”

He shrugs, not answering.

“Because you thought I was wrong,” I answer for him.

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