Page 42 of Ignite

Her fingers started back up, running along the inked lines of his chest. “You said you studied engineering, like robots and stuff. Is that what you did in the Army?”

He hesitated. Not many people knew about this part of his life. He only shared part of it with Go-Kart one drunken night a few years ago. But if he wanted to build something with this woman, at some point she would need to know his history, right?

The real question in his mind came to the forefront. Would she leave him when she found out what he had been?

He took a breath. “I went to school on a shooting scholarship. Rifle team. I was the top dog with a higher accuracy at long range than anyone else. National champion. The problem was, the money I got was only good for the first year. The other three would be on me with loans that were high enough in the six-figure range that I’d never have a hope of paying them off. Uncle Sam offered me a solution with the GI Bill. Someone there recognized my talent and offered me a serious amount of money for a serious position.”

“What was it?”

He bit his lip. “The military had a use for my particular set of skills. I was a long-range sniper primarily in Afghanistan and Iraq. Some combat, but mostly assigned targets.”

“You killed people. Like an assassin?”

He closed his eyes. “Bingo.”

Her fingers stopped their movements again. “A lot?”

Her question rang in his head. “Yeah. I don’t hold any records or any special awards. I followed orders and did what I was told to do. That’s it.”

“Oh.”

That one syllable could have more than one meaning. “Oh” as in shrugging off his past like it was just another phase, or “Oh” as in “I just realized the kind of man I have in my house and bed,” or “Oh, I don’t want to be with a murderer, no matter what the reason.”

“But you’re not a sniper anymore.”

“I haven’t picked up a gun since I got out. I don’t have one for the club or at my house. Not while riding either.”

“Oh.”

That short word was driving him a little crazy.

“Um… did you… like it?”

He sighed and closed his eyes. “I didn’t have some big revelation over my kills. There wasn’t some kid or puppy or person who gave me a guilty conscience and made me regret my job. To me, they were targets. Nothing more. I had no feelings for them.Thatwas the problem.”

He swallowed as he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. “I had no feelings for anyone or anything. If a buddy of mine died in battle, so what? We were there to die. Pain was an annoyance, not an indicator of something wrong. I got my orders. Set my sights. Pulled the trigger. It didn’t matter who it was, I’d take them out. No questions.”

“Did you… women or children or just bad guys?”

“I never questioned an order.”

Silence filled the room with white noise, and for a few moments, he didn’t move or breathe.

“I was in for eight years. When I got out, there wasn’t any big fanfare or any offer for me to stay. I was a shell. I had no emotions. I didn’t care. Someone could drop on the sidewalk in a death spiral and I would keep walking past.”

“Like inThe Vampire Diaries, when they turned off their emotions and became killing machines.”

“I never saw that show, but it sounds about right. Living, dying, it was all the same to me. I had no love for anyone. Not my family. Not my wife. No one.”

He swallowed. “Darcy, my ex, told me I was a machine. I’d eat, work, and fuck. That was it. I don’t remember ever loving her or why we got married. She was both a convenience and an annoyance. I remember her screaming at me over what I thought was stupid shit, like getting the wrong bread from the store or not taking her out for dinner. I think now, she was just trying to get my attention. As much as I’d like to say she was the bitch from hell, when it comes down to it, it was me who was the problem.”

Jazz stayed silent for a moment. Long enough to make Wolf wonder if she was thinking about her words or plotting her escape. When she did speak, her voice was heavy. “So, what turned you back on again?”

He let out a long breath. “Corny as it sounds, it was the Knights that saved me. Brought me back to myself, so to speak. I wandered around a bit before moving back here. No plans or anything concrete, but this is where my dad lived, worked, and died. Pittsburgh was home to me at one time, and I figured it was as good as any other. Bill was a coworker of my dad’s, so there was still a connection. I met Quillon at a rally. We got a couple of beers, and he told me about the Knights. They were a strong club at one time, and that appealed to me.”

Jazz slid a hand across Wolf’s abdomen. He found relief and encouragement that she didn’t pull away from him. He took it and threaded his fingers between hers. “Have you ever found a group of people that just fit? Like-minded or broken, or they just needed you? That’s how I felt about the Knights. It’s a mess now, but it’s like I’m grounded with them. I have a purpose. There’s something to build up, not tear down. They need that, and I need that too. Make sense, or am I just rambling now?”

She squeezed him. “I get that. I’m glad you found a place. It’s kinda like me and the shielders. I’ve always been the family misfit, and the shielders welcomed me, bugs and all. It’s not so cool what you had to go through and what you did, but I understand everyone has a past. The Wolf back then is not the Wolf I have in my bed now. I hope I can have a little piece of the future.”

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