My heart is hammering. It always is when she’s close, but I’m about to do something I haven’t done in … well, ever.
“I’m surprised there aren’t a ton of tourists here,” Billie says as she slips her hand in mine—as if it’s the most natural thing to do, and she does it every damn day—and walks beside me on the trail.
I don’t bother to tell her that I called the state park bureau and had this area cleared for us today.
Finally, we settle into a comfortable silence, enjoying the cool air when we walk into the shade of tall evergreens, and with a magnificent view of the lake, I gesture to a fallen log.
“Let’s sit,” I suggest. She nods, then brushes off the bark as if she can get rid of every speck of dirt, and then sits.
I can’t help my smile as I sit next to her.
I’m not touching her now, simply sitting a couple of inches away.
And I start to fucking talk. Because this is what she needs from me, and I needher.More than anything else, I need this woman in my life, so I’ll give her anything she needs to make that happen. Even if I have to open my mouth and be honest with her.
So here I am, taking my chance. I’ve never felt the need to shift gears in my life. Work and family have been my priority for as long as I can remember. But I see Fiona and Ronan together, and I know they’re so damn happy because they’re partners. Equals in everything. Fiona is the air Ronan breathes, and he is to her, andI want that.I want that connection. I don’t want the endless … aloneness that comes with, well, being alone.
More than anything else, I need this woman in my life.
“Growing up a Gallagher was a privilege and a curse,” I begin, watching as a bald eagle swoops and plucks a fish out of the lake before flying off with his lunch. “Although I never wanted for anything, I also learned at quite a young age that I couldn’t truly trust anyone. Well, that’s not entirely true. I trust my family and Ronan, my best friend. I met him at university.”
“Are you still in touch?” Billie asks me quietly, hardly moving, as if she’s afraid I’ll stop telling her my tale.
“Aye. He’s on the board of directors of Gallagher Hotels, and he’s married to my ex-wife.”
I look over in time to see her gaze whip to mine, her eyes wide.
But she swallows and looks back out at the lake without asking me any questions.
“We’re all friends, the three of us. And I trust them. But as a whole, I learned young that when someone figured out my name, and if they connected the dots to my father, they wanted something from me.”
Billie pushes her hand through my arm and laces her fingers with mine, leaning her head on my shoulder, and it’s the connection to her that I need to keep talking.
“I don’t open up to people easily. I’m not good at talking about my feelings, or asking for help, or conversation at all, really, unless it has to do with work. I can talk to a room of investors all day long. That’s only one of the reasons that my marriage to Fiona didn’t work. She wanted more, and I wouldn’t give it to her.”
I lean over and kiss my angel’s hair, breathing her in, enjoying the way her soft hair feels against my lips.
“Notice I saidwouldn’t.Notcouldn’t.”
“I heard you,” she murmurs before kissing my bicep and then turning her gaze out once more.
“When I do find someone to trust, it’s forever, and I’m fucking loyal, Billie.”
She nods. “We have that in common. So is that why no names that first night?”
“Aye. It made things less complicated, and I was so bloody attracted to you, I had to have you. I didn’t know?—”
“I know.” She doesn’t let go of my hand, but she sits up and turns on the log so she’s facing me now ratherthan the lake. I turn to look her in the eyes. “Why are you telling me all of this now?”
“Because I still want you,” I reply instantly, not even having to think about it. “And I was fucking that up without realizing it. Falling into old habits. It’s not simply about sex with you, although, I can’t lie to you, angel. I want you more than I want my next breath.”
Especially when you give me that stunning smile like you are right now.
“But you need more from me, and it surprised me to realize that I want togiveyou more. I simply don’t know how to go about it.”
“Sure you do.” She tips her head to the side. “You’re doing it right now. You’ve been doing it all week.”
When I frown, she continues.