Page 103 of Every Rake Has A Silver Lining

“Other times?” Charlotte prodded.

“She was like a different person. Little things would upset her, and sometimes, from what I could tell, nothing at all. She would become so sullen, as if she were trapped in a dark place with no escape. Or at times, she would become angry, lashing out at me.” He studied Charlotte, gauging her reaction. Did she consider both the juxtaposition and similarity with herself?

She remained stone-faced. “Did you love her?”

Was there a hint of jealousy in her words?

Truth.Charlotte deserved the truth. “Yes. I think so.”

“Youthink? You don’t know?” Charlotte’s brow furrowed, her tone confused.

“I was barely twenty when she first caught my eye. She had just reached her eighteenth year and had begun helping in her father’s bakery. No more than a flirtation at first—children playing at love—our feelings grew into something more. She said she loved me, so I said it back.”

“But did you mean it?”

An annoying knot of tension formed in his throat, and he forced it down. “I wanted to. At her sunniest, we had so much incommon. Almost as if we were the same person. But when you look in a mirror too long, sometimes all you see are flaws.”

He gave himself a mental shake, remembering the uncomfortable arguments he and Joy would have. “Then she would change, and I didn’t know what to do. How to act around her. During those times, she wanted me to be more serious, to plan for a future—our future. All I wanted to do was think of the next adventure. I wasn’t ready to settle down.”

“You were young. From my experience, most men aren’t ready to settle down until they’re much older.”

Blink.“Did you just defend me?

Her lips tipped up, and regardless of the uncomfortable conversation, he still wanted to kiss them. “If the idea makes you happy. Consider it reciprocity for defending me with Mr. Mooney.”

“But I didn’t really do anything.” Did he?

“You didn’t fly in to rescue me, flaunting your masculine bravado as if I couldn’t take care of myself.”

“Oh.” He remembered Mooney’s expression when Charlotte planted a facer on the man. “You pack a good punch.”

She waved off his compliment. So like her. “But back to Joy. How did she die?”

The uncomfortable knot returned. “She wanted to prove her love—her commitment to me. So we . . .” He slid another glance toward Charlotte.

“You deflowered her. Did you promise to marry her?”

Odd how Charlotte placed the blame directly on his shoulders where it belonged. Heat and shame crept up his neck, burning the tips of his ears. “Not in so many words, but she presumed it. Then I—” He shook his head, the memory of the horrible series of events hitting him as if occurring anew.

Charlotte’s brow furrowed, and he wanted to smooth it out with a kiss. But once he told her, she wouldn’t want him to touch her—possibly forever. “Then what?”

“I did something stupid,” he continued. “A harmless flirtation.”

Charlotte studied him, her mouth set in a grim line as she digested the information and no doubt grew nauseous. “Allow me to guess. With Miss Pace?”

How astute his wife was. “Yes. And Joy saw us.” He wanted to defend himself to Charlotte, to remind her he flirted with every woman and it meant nothing. But the surprising lack of condemnation in her eyes kept him silent.

“Did she . . . kill herself?” Emotion choked Charlotte’s voice.

He gulped for air, the horror of the memory like a powerful undertow threatening to pull him down and drown him, then grimaced at the irony of the thought. He breathed deep, trying not to panic, and forced out the answer. “It appears so. I raced after her, trying to explain, but she wouldn’t speak to me. She had retreated to the dark place where I couldn’t reach her. So I waited for her sunny side to return.”

“But it didn’t?”

He shook his head. “No. Two days later, her father arrived at our door, note in hand.”

“What did it say?” Charlotte laid a calming hand on his arm.

“She bade goodbye to her parents and asked for forgiveness. And she said...she said...” Tightness clogged his throat, the words stuck and unable to break free.

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