Page 1 of Liberating Lena

CHAPTER 1

Lena

It wasn’t a long flight, a puddle jumper in the grand scheme of time. My gaze was focused out the window of the shuttle van, my clamoring heart slowly calming the closer we got to Rawhide Ranch. The view became more rural and buildings scarcer the further we traveled until we pulled up to a very impressive and rather imposing set of black iron security gates. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Thick trees pressed close together like silent witnesses hiding the facility from lookie-loos, which was my main reason for choosing it. The other was due to the Ranch’s reputation for confidentiality, personalized care, and deep respect for consent.

We passed through, and a sense of safety enveloped me like a welcoming embrace. We drove down a winding dirt road, and the beautiful sprawling Ranch set against a mountain backdrop came into view. It was more breathtaking than the brochure pictures had shown, or the pretty words suggested. Rawhide’s scale and the serenity it offered only become apparent when viewed firsthand.

The driver parked in front of a wide staircase that led to a large porch. A tall, rugged man with an air of dominance waited, arms crossed. A slim younger woman stood at his side. I assumed the imposing cowboy was the owner, Derek. My assumption was confirmed when they made their way down the steps as others followed.

“Greetings. I’m Derek Hawkins, the owner of Rawhide Ranch. You will address me as Master Derek.” He eyed each of us individually as if daring us to call him otherwise. I gulped. Gesturing to each woman with him, he continued, “This is my wife Sadie, my assistant Erika, and Luna, who you will often find at reception. We welcome you to Rawhide Ranch.”

The little group I stood with called out greetings, but not me. I was happy to remain quiet.

“We had many applicants for our first summer submissive program. Your presence here shows that there was something in your application that awarded you one of the few spots we had available.” His discerning expression glanced over each of us again. “I’m happy to see we chose wisely.”

Around me, a collective sigh of relief was given by my fellow submissives.

“Refreshments are ready in the welcome area along with a packet you’ll need to fill in before being shown to your room. Because of recent bookings, we will have a full house starting tomorrow. In your packet, you will find a room number and the name of your roommate. Sadie and I spent many hours poring over your applications and feel we have done the best job possible in pairing you with a roommate. Some of you will be with a new person, like yourself, while others are being paired with an existing submissive of the Ranch. Now, please follow me.”

I shuffled toward the end of the group and kept my head down as we climbed the stairs. Stepping through the door wasstepping into something I’d missed for nearly two years. That’s how long it had been since I’d participated in the lifestyle.

Lifting my head, I looked around until my glance caught that of the cowboy who’d just welcomed us. Master Derek noticed and nodded his head, approvingly.

I averted my eyes. I’d had an unhealthy relationship with being noticed and being corrected since my time with Daniel. He was why I was here. Not that facing punishment was scary. When delivered as such, it was comforting. There had been no comfort ever offered from Daniel, only darkness and fear.

Despite the doubt that clouded me, I missed the structure, the safety, and rituals of service that shaped my life. Especially the quietness that came when someone else held the reins, and I could just be. I hoped to find the missing pieces of myself… renewal, submission, and self-acceptance while I served at Rawhide.

“Hi, Lena, my name’s Carrie. Welcome to the Ranch.”

I returned her smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Carrie.”

I clutched the intake form in my lap. “Here’s a pen. Why don’t you get started on your paperwork while I grab you a sweet tea to drink.”

“That is very kind. Thank you, Carrie.”

I opened my packet and looked over the first form. It looked redundant as I’d expressed most of this already, but better too much than too little.

Under my preferred role, I chose service submissive.

Limits: No humiliation. No edge play. No breath play.

In the margin, I added—No scenes without emotional safety. I realized adding this stipulation raised a red flag, which was why I hadn’t put it on my original application. I’d held off until now, afraid, despite the advertising otherwise, that I would be judged by those at Rawhide. My past decisions had led me to be treated cruelly by someone who I was supposed to trust. I feltstupid for my ignorance. But I wasn’t here to be broken again. I was here to investigate what, if anything, inside me was still worth reclaiming, and feeling safe during that type of intensive work was essential.

I signed my name at the bottom just as Carrie returned.

“How did you make out? Any questions or concerns?”

I shook my head. My ability to speak seemed to have fled along with my confidence. Could she tell I was a train wreck beneath my calm exterior? Carrie sat down next to me.

“I want you to know, Lena, that whatever you're thinking, it isn’t your fault.”

My eyes rounded in surprise. How could she know my inner turmoil… unless she’d experienced it as well. “And here I was thinking I had my game face on. Uh, can I surmise that’s why you’re here? Something happened?”

Carrie nodded, but she didn’t exhibit the angst I felt. Instead, she appeared free of guilt and shame, something I wanted, badly.

“You have surmised correctly. I can say with confidence that most of the service subs here at Rawhide have been through some type of ordeal.”

I gulped down my emotions. “Well then, I guess I’m in good company. What now?” Despite my question I was desperate to move away from the topic. I’d been here a sum total of one hour, I didn’t need to fall apart already.

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