Page 16 of Liberating Lena

I’d thought about that often over the past two years. At the beginning, Daniel had been very charming and all his requests, which I now realized were far from always being requests, came with a demand for me to see the sense and logic in everything he did and asked for. He’d made me believe I was the issue. He’d hoodwinked me really well. Intellectually, I knew he’d been gaslighting me all along, but emotionally I’d accepted his words as truth.

I shook my head, chasing away Daniel’s ghost and focusing on Ethan’s steadfast, dominant tone. The one that set my nether region on fire. I heard the clang of the phone being placed in the cradle and hustled back a few steps to make it appear as if I’d just come up the stairs.

Ethan came around the corner wearing that megawatt smile that put me ill at ease. He saw me and quickly schooled his features. “Lena. That was good timing.”

I swallowed. “Yes, I just finished and was on my way to get changed. Should I meet you in the cafeteria?”

He held my gaze doing thatlooking right through mething that made me feel naked. Finally, he tipped his head to the side, offering me a lazy smile now. Holy whiplash, who was the true Ethan?

“That sounds about right. See you in, say fifteen?”

“Yes. Thank you.” I hustled up the second flight of stairs that led to mine and Carrie’s suite. I entered and closed the door. Leaning against its firmness, I took a few slow breaths. Ethanhad been right when he’d said he had two sides. The one he used with me was gentle, caring and although not physical, he ensured I was physically comfortable. The other side, the one he called the shadow or the beast, called to me in a way that was probably not what I should be wanting, but somewhere in his psyche was both men and I wanted them to meld together and become my fantasy.

I arrived to find Ethan’s gaze on the outside world, looking deep in thought. Not wishing to disturb him, I lifted my chair so it wouldn’t scrape along the floor and as silently as possible sat down.

His gaze swung my way. “Don’t do that, Lena.”

Oh-oh. Did I finally do something that made him mad? “I’m not sure what you mean.”

He smiled gently. “You never need to tiptoe around me.”

There was that sweet side again and my heart melted a little. “Thank you for saying so.”

He took my hand in his and dropped a kiss on it that made more than my heart melt. “What can I feed you?”

“Can you surprise me, Sir?”

He winked. “Anything for you, Lena.” Fifteen minutes later, a clubhouse wrap with veggies and dip was placed in front of me along with a cup of green tea. Ethan had been ensuring I ate properly, which was a huge shift for me. Although I had done scenes at my local BDSM club, I’d never been a submissive outside of that environment with the exception of Daniel.

We shared small talk while we ate. I really enjoyed this part of the day, and it was easy to imagine this at the end of a workday over dinner, for the rest of my life. My head shook at the thought. Not possible.

“Are you excited for our scene later today?” Ethan asked casually.

“Yes.” He didn’t pursue any additional comments from me, which I was grateful for. I was learning that I could be silent because I wanted to, chose to, and if it bothered him in any way, he didn’t show it.

“Did you have another business call today, Sir?” I don’t know why I was asking. It wasn’t any of my business, except that knowing who Ethan was both with and without me seemed suddenly important. We had six days left and, although I tried not to think about our inevitable parting, it was beginning to become the elephant in the room.

On the outside I was very aware how I came across–quiet, and reserved. I didn’t smile much and it wasn’t for a lack of being happy, but expressing anything outwardly was like trying to poke a hole through a mountain. On the inside I’d changed since I arrived at Rawhide, for the better.

I wanted Ethan to see the impact he had on me while also wishing to remain hidden because it was safe. He was doing a wonderful job of holding the space for me to show up authentically, but I was still resisting. Fear from harsh lessons had shut me down. The old Lena was hidden but wanting so badly to break free. My gaze was on Ethan and his easy movements and attitude. How could he possibly understand when the man was a virtual force of nature.

Did I share these thoughts? Hell to the no! I cleared my throat. The muscles literally contracting inward to keep me from speaking about anything close to home, like my feelings.

“Lena? Everything all right?”

“Hmm? Yes, of course. I’m just full.” We both looked down at my half-eaten meal.

“Are you? If you’re lying, I may have to punish you.”

By the look on his face, I could tell he was just as surprised at the words that came out of his mouth as I was.

“Sorry, I was being playful, but I shouldn’t have said that as it’s not part of our agreement.”

I dropped my gaze, and wrestled with the idea of asking what punishment would look like with a man like Ethan.

“If you were mine, a punishment would be an over the knee spanking, followed by your juices spilling over my fingers as I pleasured you.”

My eyes hooded, and the gusset of my panties instantly soaked at his words and the growly, Dominant tone he’d used to deliver them. Isn’t that exactly what I wanted? A Dom who wanted me and wanted to take care of my needs while I took care of his?

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