Page 18 of Liberating Lena

He nodded. “We’ll correct the mistake.” He led me to the soundproofed room and had me kneel in the center. He removed his belt–not slowly, not sexually, just functionally.

“Fifteen. One for every second that wine sat visible on the rim.”

I tried to breathe, his strokes could be brutal, but I thought I could take it. This wasn’t about pain, or taking it, this was the kind of punishment that stripped away my dignity instead of reinforcing discipline.

I heard the swish just before the loud crack against my skin and the bloom where the stripe had landed seared more than my flesh. I didn’t dare move, or cry. He never stopped to check on me, nor did he hold me afterward and tell me all was forgiven. He left me curled in a ball on the floor, the ribbon askew.

I realized now that aftercare, or any type of care or compassion was conditional and earned only through perfection. He’d let me out the next morning. I was stiff and achy from sleeping on the floor, but I never let on. Perfection was the key, right? Never again did I allow another drop of wine to fall. I was no longer Lena after that night, but a ghost of her that was far more perfect than she could ever be.

I shook my head, trying to chase away the memory. I had a long shower hoping it would help to settle me, but the feeling of unease kept me trapped in a loop. I thought about Ethan and how things felt so different with him. That was the most terrifying part.

CHAPTER 10

Ethan

I blew it! Between the talk of a potential future with me–stupid—and the commanding tone I used for the first time—idiot—Lena was well and truly terrified. I didn’t need to see her face to feel fear radiating from her.

As soon as she closed the door, I threw on a shirt and my shoes and followed. She was running like she was being chased. I slowed down not wishing to frighten her any further. I knew this wasn’t me giving her space like I said I would. No, this was me doing exactly what I shouldn’t. But she had to know that she wasn’t alone. If she needed me, I’d be here in whatever capacity she required.

I let go of what I knew could be, of my desires, and went still like I’d promised myself and her. A part of my brain was telling me this wasn’t my fault, that she was triggered by the past, one that she hadn’t shared with me. Whatever had happened, someone had abused her, and it made me angry. I wanted to right all of the injustices in her world and set her free of the past.

This was all new to me, wanting to slay dragons for another person. I was dealing with new feelings and desires at a rate I hadn’t known existed until now. Yet, leaving her be was the only way to get through the mess I’d made. I climbed the stairs to her room and gently knocked. She didn’t answer me when I said her name, but I knew she was on the other side of the door.

My hand flattened against the hard surface wishing my touch could transcend objects. “You don’t owe me anything, not even an explanation, but I want you to know I’m still here.” My ear was pressed against the door, waiting for even one word to spill from between her bow-like lips. Nothing came, or at least nothing I could ascertain.

My hand dropped and I stepped away. Time to back away and let go of what I had no control over. I took my time on the way back, doing meditative breathing on the rock by the pond, and allowing the sights and sounds to wash over me, cleansing my soul. I didn’t get to where I was in life by regretting my decisions. Bold action had always been my signature mode for getting what I wanted. For the first time, a woman didn’t fall into that same category.

The walk to my cabin provided an excellent opportunity to scrutinize my interactions with women in a way I never had before. My time at the club especially. I’d thought I’d exuded all that a Dom was perfectly. No one could fault my protocols. I was exact, kind where needed, stern where required, and when sex was part of the scene, I was generous and made sure my partner was safely put in a taxi or Uber on a pair of rubber legs with eyes half lidded and a smile of satisfaction on their lips. I never got close to a single one of them. If I gave them what they needed, then what else could they possibly want? I never knew about their personal lives, never bothered to ask. It wasn’t my business, just like what I did wasn’t any of theirs. Until now.

Back at the cabin, I forced myself to retreat into a book on the hammock until the sky turned into a wild array of swirling purplish hues. My stomach growled, reminding me lunch had been several hours ago and I’d heard no word from Lena.

I flipped out of my nest and headed inside for sustenance. Did I want to? Absolutely not. Caving into my baser needs and running to the lodge and begging her forgiveness was what I wanted.

Opening the fridge and seeing the remainder of her meal there reinforced that she was gone. I’d fucked up. I pulled the container out of the fridge with the intention of emptying it into compost when there was a faint knock at my door. I quickly put the food back and opened the door. Standing against the twilight sky stood Lena. Her hair was damp and she wore an oversized hoodie with a pair of leggings.

“Are you okay?” I asked as gently as if she were a startled deer ready to bolt.

Lena nodded her head. Then she shook it side to side. “I need to talk, but I don’t want questions. Just space.”

“You’ve got it.” I opened the door fully, beckoning her inside. Lena took a seat on the couch. Not wishing to spook her. I took the chair opposite.

“I was in a D/s relationship with a high-protocol Dom for close to a year. At first, when we met in a local club, he seemed safe. He didn’t often play with anyone and was more interested in watching demonstrations than participating. One night after I was part of a demonstration with another Dom, he approached me and introduced himself as Daniel. We talked for hours, and he appeared to be interested in me.”

So far, Lena was speaking very factually, and I wondered if she needed to in order to get her story out without breaking down.

“I wasn’t a high-protocol submissive, but Daniel seemed to think I’d make a perfect one. He asked me to do a scene with him at the club but in one of the private rooms to see if I was a fit for what he wanted.” Lena stopped, her lips tugging into a small smile that resembled more of a grimace.

“I agreed and it was fine. He made many corrections during our scene and told me he could help me become a perfect protocol submissive. I wanted what he was offering and accepted. I was stupid and couldn’t read between the lines of the contract he’d drawn up. At no point had he said my wellbeing was in his best interest. There was no talk of aftercare. I just assumed…. Anyway, eventually he built his own soundproofed dungeon in his townhouse. He said we could engage in more intimate scenes in the privacy of his home.”

A tremor was in her voice now and whatever was coming next, I knew wouldn’t be good.

“After many trials, Daniel wanted to debut my newly acquired skills at a ceremonial tea for him and his friend. I was super nervous as Daniel had been more disappointed than happy with my performances, but he’d told me he believed I could do it and I’d readily agreed. When I adjusted my grip, the teacup barely tapped the edge of the tray. His guest didn’t notice, but Daniel did. After his friend left, he practically choked me with the blue ribbon I always wore when at his home. He took me into his soundproofed room telling me I embarrassed him. He told me I was sloppy, weak. He had me put my nose to the ground.”

Lena paused swallowing. I rose and went to the kitchen to get her a glass of water. Mostly it was to cover my anger. I didn’t want the rage on my face to scare her into silence. But I already knew I’d find the fucker and ruin him. I handed her the glass, and she took a sip before shakily putting it down on the coffee table.

“He–uh–told me I’d receive thirty strokes from his belt. I cried, my tears leaking onto the floor but I didn’t move or make a sound. When he was done, he left me there, on the floor and locked the door after himself. Daniel never looked at me and spoke to me like I wasn’t worth the space I took up. That wasn’t the only time.”

I held very still in my chair, using all my effort to not stand up and roar like a demon before taking off to find this Daniel guy and beat him before locking him in a room to see how he liked it. “Lena. What he did wasn’t discipline. It was punishment without love or any sort of humanity present. That’s not power exchange, it’s cruelty.”

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