Page 31 of Liberating Lena

“I came here to offer you a place again. A role. We had something refined, Lena. You’re not built for casual softness. You need precision. I can still give that to you.”

I stare at him wondering how I’d been so blind. I could see so clearly the old echo–how easily he used it to twist my sense of worth. I leaned forward so what I said next was right in his face. “What you gave me was obedience with a leash. What Ethan offers is submission with choice. That’s the difference you’ll never understand.”

Daniel opened his mouth as if to speak. but I was done and stood up. “Don't contact me again. Not here. Not anywhere. If you do, I will not be polite next time.” I strutted away and felt his fury stabbing at my retreating back. I left him powerless for a change and it felt fantastic. Outside Ethan joined me and took my hand.

“How do you feel?”

“Clean, like the last thread finally snapped.” We walked away, my shoulders straight, and spine unbent. “I did it, Ethan, thank you for standing by me.”

“I will always be here for you, Lena.” He unlocked the car door and helped me in, buckling me safely inside. “You’re everything.” He dipped down and gave me a smoldering kiss. When he pulled away, I saw the sincerity in his eyes. I wanted to say I love you out loud. The whispered words across the space ofthe coffeeshop were one thing, but now, his mouth inches from mine, I wasn’t so brave.

He stood and moved around the vehicle getting into the driver's seat. The weight of the past was gone, but now the weight of the new settled upon me. It was a call to move ahead with this man, to let him in, fully and completely. Sure, I’d managed to with my body, with my secrets, and my pain, but with my life, outside of the safety of the Ranch, could I be as brave?

On the drive back I thought about the cards Carrie and I had pulled the day before the Fire Ritual. That the track ahead was clear, that I could move forward to my happily-ever-after. Yet I felt conflicted, and I knew why. I needed Ethan’s monster, his dark side to come out. I’d come full circle, but had he?

CHAPTER 16

Ethan

Lena was heavy in thought on the way back to the Ranch. Call me a liar if I said her processing wasn’t causing me a bit of angst. In the boardroom, I owned it and the win that came with those intense meetings.

With Lena, I felt almost powerless. She had full control of this situation, of me. Submissives always had the power until they didn’t for whatever reason, in her case, an abusive situation. With me, I’d given her the space to find what she’d once lost, and since she’d let go during our sensation play, she’d been growing rapidly. This left me questioning if I was enough for her. In my heart the answer was yes, but my growth hadn’t been as rapid or as all encompassing as hers. Yes, I’d managed to move into stillness, and yes, I’d managed to keep things free and clear of control until she was ready to relinquish it to me. I’d asked her to be mine, in life and as a sub and she’d agreed. So why was I feeling unsettled?

Maybe I should have waited but how could either of us have known Daniel would pop up here. I’d felt him enter the Perk,even before Lena’s eyes shifted to show me he had arrived. He was a snake-oil salesman, slippery and manipulative. A man whose only desire was to be obeyed.

Watching the ever-changing expressions on my girl’s face while she finally set him straight was the best foreplay of my life. Strong women turned me on, and Lena was definitely a strong woman. Now, there was a hesitancy between us, one that hadn’t been there on the way to Porter’s Cove. Was she second guessing her decision to be with me now that she had faced her demon and come out the better for it?

When we got back, I would give her the option to change her mind. Other than claiming her the way I wanted, on her knees at my feet, there was nothing else I could do. I’d given her more of me than anyone before. Meeting her had allowed me to see what my play subs from the past had been saying. They’d been right, but Lena had changed that for me. Honoring her, by letting her go was all I had left to give.

I pulled into the parking area and escorted her out of the vehicle.

“Ethan, we need to talk.”

And there it was. What came out of her mouth next would define our steps. I remained still, giving her room to say whatever she needed. She reached for both my hands and stepped closer to me, gazing into my eyes with her pale blue orbs.

“I want to meet the other Ethan.”

That took me completely by surprise and it must have shown on my face because a little smirk tugged at the left corner of her mouth.

“What exactly do you mean by the other Ethan?”

“If we are going to be together and honor this”—she ran her hand over her collar—“then we need to be real and raw with each other. You were there for me and allowed me to grow and gainback a part of myself I thought was gone forever. Now, I want to do the same for you.”

“You mean the boardroom Ethan, the ruthless, dark aspects of self, Ethan?”

She smiled again, her eyes glittering with love. “Yes. Him. I…” She gulped. “His darker self called to me and made me wet just by his voice. I want a scene where you are in complete control and you do all the dark nasty things I know you wish you could do. I’m no angel and you already make my body sing, but I feel moving forward without us embracing all of you is a mistake.”

This woman, she may not be an angel, but she was so perfect she could have been sent by the gods. I hadn't shown anyone that other aspect of myself except for in the boardroom. Could she handle it? Could I? She was right regardless, it had to happen.

“Okay. I agree but with one promise from you.”

“Anything.”

“After, if you want to run from me, I want you to. I love and respect you enough to let you go. So, if I’m too much for you, my permission is granted for you to walk, no questions asked.”

Her gaze bore into mine, as if already memorizing my face before leaving me. “Agreed. Now let’s go, just talking about dark Ethan makes me slick with need.”

We walked hand- in-hand to my cabin, a silence building, strengthening our wills to go through with what I felt was a test to end or begin our lives together.

---