Page 11 of Our Little Dove

He has everything so much easier. Our entire lives, he’s charged head-first into uncharted territory with little to no hesitation. Me, I can’t do that. He knows me but he has no idea how fucking hard it is to do our fucked up little side hustle while wrestling with the things I try to keep buried.

I can feel the heat radiating from his body as he brings one hand up and rests it on my shoulder.“I’m not gay.”I repeat the words to myself as I feel my body grow rigid under his touch. Suddenly, something shifts within me – the tension, the anger – it all seems to dissolve under the weight of his gaze.

“It’s okay to be confused,” he murmurs, voice low and deep. There’s no judgment in his expression or tone, just understanding. “I’ll help you figure this shit out, Kieran, but you need to relax. We have a lot riding on tonight, and I can’t have you backing out now. The cash is too good for us not to do this. After tonight, if you still don’t know how to break out of this hellyou find yourself in, I’ll help you and we’ll never have to agree to this kind of content again if it’ll be easier.”

“Earlier, you were happy to put our payday on the line for the game you want to play withherbefore making the content, and now it’s all about the money again?” I sneer and he only offers a nod in response.

That reaction has my body heating with rage and if he doesn’t start making sense or back off, I’m going to lose my goddamn mind.

Saturday, 12:00 AM

“We got fucking lucky with the buildings and opening Clover Ink but how long until we fucking lose everything again? Huh? We paid rent upfront for seven months when we started this! Time is almost up. How the fuck are we supposed to keep this shit running when we can’t afford to eat or have a roof over our heads? The studio doesn’t have the traffic yet to supplement our expenses by itself,” Kieran seethes, flicking his cigarette bud to the ground and grinding it under his boot.

I rush up to him and grab the back of his neck, forcing his forehead against mine so he can’t ignore my words. “That’s not going to fucking happen, Kai. No amount of money from our content is worth you…”

“What?!” he barks.

“Torturing yourself. We’ll find another way if you can’t do this anymore. It’s you and me, brother; it always has been.”

He stays silent as he stares into my eyes, and I notice him relaxing slightly. My heart races as the palpable tension between us flickers like the fuse of a bomb about to explode. Leaning closer before he has a chance to react, I breathe in the smoke and mint on his breath before letting my tongue trail a whisper over his lips.

He is stunned as he scans my features with furrowed brows, and I take his stunned silence as my queue and press my lips against his. I step back from his slightly taller frame with a satisfied but proud smile.

I’m surprised he let me kiss him. Is this progress?

I don’t want him to suffer like I know he is. He doesn’t need to feel like he has to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. I suppose it is hypocritical of me to coax him out of hiding when I do the same thing. I hide my emotions behind a wall of cruelty and sarcasm while he hides behind logic and silence.

“Better?” I taunt cautiously. I don’t know what his reaction will be, but I have to try. His green eyes flame like wildfire and he grabs my throat, squeezing hard as he pulls me back toward him. Our lips are only inches apart.

“What the fuck was that?”

“Kai…” I choke out as his grip tightens before he shoves me away and storms inside the building, once again putting distance between us.

I take a few breaths to ease the tightness in my throat caused by his powerful grip. My ego deflates as I pace the length of the small balcony, allowing him a few minutes to himself.

“Fuck!” I curse, yelling into my palms as I cover my face before weaving my fingers into my hair. The bite of pain from pulling on the strands do nothing to ease my racing mind.

Saturday, 1:45 AM

“Last call!” the bartender announces after turning the music down.

“Hmm, one more drink here or your place?” Joel purrs as he gulps down the last of his whiskey.

Giggling, I feel the effects of the copious amounts of alcohol we’ve had tonight. “Yeah, I’ve got some vodka; I think,” I stumble over my words for a moment but the sexy smile he flashes me is almost enough to sober me up.

Holy fuck, I need to call Lexi. It’s happening! God, what if my entire fantasy comes true tonight?! It will then be the best night ever. OMG, manifesting does work. Who knew?

“Perfect! Let’s go,” he says, getting up from his seat at the booth and moves toward the bar to pay the tab.

“One sec. I need to—” Before I can finish my statement, the bartender cuts me off by turning the music back up to an almost deafening volume and all the patrons cheer as they move tothe bar to order their last drinks for the night. I motion to the restroom with a shy smile and Joel nods his understanding before getting the bartender's attention.

I make a beeline to the restrooms at the back of the pub and curse under my breath as I spot the impossibly long line for the restroom.Fucking hell!Ireally needto pee. I whine to myself as I shift from one foot to the other at the back of the line.

After almost ten minutes, the line has barely moved, and I start getting pissed off as I hear a group of girls talking shit inside.

Argh! Really? Some of us need to actually use the facilities! God, it feels like my back teeth are floating by now!

In a last-ditch attempt to distract myself from the incessant need to pee, I reach for my phone in my bag; determined to call Alex and share the exhilarating turn of events. I dial her number, my fingertips dancing across the touchscreen. The anticipation builds with each ringing tone, but my mood deflates like a balloon when her voicemail greets me with its robotic monotone.

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