Page 37 of Our Little Dove

As we settle on what movie to watch, I press play and snuggle up against his side. Joel’s hand finds mine, seeking comfortin the midst of our shared unease. The tension between us is palpable, the weight of unspoken words hanging heavily in the air.

“You know, it’s okay to talk about it,” Joel murmurs, his gaze fixed on the screen but his focus clearly on me.

I sit upright and take a deep breath, grateful for his understanding. “I just… I don’t know how to make things right,” I admit, my voice barely above a whisper.

He turns to face me, his eyes searching mine with a look I can only describe as resentment and pain. He remains silent and reaches for the beers I placed on the table moments ago after we finished the last two post-mind-blowing-orgasm.

Cinematic music filters through the room as the movie progresses while we sit in a heavy silence sipping our drinks. The weight of my actions presses down on me like a leaden blanket, drowning me in a sea of regret and self-recrimination.

How could I have been so blind to the consequences of my naïve plan?

In my mind, I see Alex’s face - fear and betrayal etched into her features as she stood in my apartment the morning after the incident. Joel’s arms tighten around me, offering silent comfort. His touch is a balm to my shattered soul, a reminder that even in the darkness, there are still glimmers of hope. Hope that they will forgive me one day.

I turn to him with a heavy sigh, meeting his gaze with a mix of gratitude and sorrow. “I don’t know if she’ll ever forgive me,” I confess, the words tumbling out in a rush. “I never meant for things to spiral out of control like this.”

Joel’s expression is stern as he reaches up to firmly cup my face in his hands. “She’ll get over it eventually. She needs space,” he declares sharply, his voice tinged with anger. His tone brooks no argument, his words leaving no room for debate as he pullsout his phone and starts tapping and scrolling like he has been since the night Alex was taken.

“Will you forgive me?” I ask, afraid to know the answer. He offers me a wordless response. A nod, while he fixates on whatever is so goddamn interesting on his phone.

Joel eventually fell asleep on the couch during the movie while I have just been staring at the screen. I am wracking my brain as I try to think of ways to get us back to how we were that night. We still talk a lot, but he has been understandably short-fused and preoccupied with his phone. He comes over every other night after work, but we just fuck and then he passes out or spends the rest of the night scrolling on that screen.

Just as I’m about to peek at his phone that he left face-down on the coffee table, a text chimes from mine.

Alex:

Come over. Please, I need you. Hurry.

Fighting the thick blanket as I get off the couch, I hurry to the bedroom and flick on the light to get dressed, not thinking twice.

“Hey, what the hell?” Joel’s sleep-filled voice echoes through the apartment. The living area only illuminated by the tv.

“Sorry, I have to go,” I yell from the bedroom as I step into my jeans. My fingers tremble as I respond to the text.

On my way!

“Where? Now?” he asks. “Yes, stay here. I’ll be back soon. Get some sleep.”

“Molly, where the fuck are you going at four in the morning?!”

“I don’t have time to explain, babe. Please just stay here,” I plead as I throw an oversized t-shirt over my pajama top and grab my shoes as I rush toward the door and grab my car keys.

Before Joel can say another word or stop me, I am sprinting down the halls of the building, nearly falling on my face as I hop forward trying to slip my shoes on mid-run.

As soon as I make it to my car, I text Joel. I feel bad for running out like that and feel like I owe him an explanation.

Sorry. Alex texted me to come over ASAP. I got a bad feeling. I’ll call if I need you. Didn’t wanna worry you if it turns out to be nothing…

Pulling out of my parking spot, Joel’s name flashes on my screen. I curse myself as I drive toward Alex’s neighborhood with one working headlight.

Fuck, it’s still so dark and I can barely see shit! God, I don’t ask for much, but please, for the love of all things, don’t let me get pulled over today!

I reach a red light and as soon as I stop the car, I quickly grab my phone off the passenger seat and read Joel’s text.

Joel:

Let me know immediately if she’s in trouble.

The light flashes green before I can type out a reply, so I just send a heart emoji and toss the device back onto the seat as I continue my partly visible drive down the dark streets outside the glow of the city.

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