Page 63 of Our Little Dove

“I heard but that makes no sense. How can a phrase help us in this fucked up situation?” he asks, also feeling the heavy pressure of our time running out. “What feelings?” he adds when I stay silent.

He looks as broken, haunted and tortured as I feel. “I don’t fucking know!” I rush out. Staring into his eyes, I desperately try to keep a clear head. The moment his panicked expression changes to concern, I realize what she meant.

I need them. I have feelings for him, and she has been exploring them with me. Forcing me to face them without judgement in the most twisted way.

Fuck, I don’t know how to feel. How do I do this?

“Kieran, our time is running out. If she dies, we die,” Fintan urges as he grabs onto my shoulders and shakes me out of my own hellish thoughts.

“I have feelings for her, Fin. I’ve had them since that night. I…I don’t know how to feel.”

Fintan blinks incredulously for a moment. “I know what you mean, brother. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It felt irrelevant. I’ve had many girls in that building before to make content for Hush. I didn’t care about any of them. There’s something about her that I can’t shake.”

“I get it, but that can’t be all there is to it. Something else is going on. What is it? Kai, tell me what I’m missing. Please!”

“Fintan,” I start, taking a deep breath as I ready myself for what I am about to say, consequences be damned. “I love you. I’m in love with you.”

When the words leave my mouth, something floods the room through the vents as if it was triggered by my confession. The scent of Ammonia filters through the basement.

We cough as we pull off our t-shirts to hold them over our airways.

“Kieran, there!” Fintan yells, his voice muffled by his shirt as he points to the bottom of the stairs. Two gas masks rest on the concrete and we rush over, strapping them on as quickly as we can.

Breathing heavily as we compose ourselves for a moment, I realize that Alex has been inhaling the gas and there are only two masks.

“Wait, she was wearing one when we woke up in the chairs. Wasn’t she?” I ask Kieran in a panicked tone. “It smells like gallons of bleach is being pumped through the vents, surely that can’t be healthy. Help me look for the other mask!”

The cloud of ammonia is fogging up the outside of the eye holes in the mask and it’s making it nearly impossible to see more than a few feet in front of me.

The blue lights do nothing to help the visibility, and I reluctantly scramble around, feeling along the floor for the mask Alex wore earlier.

Kieran joins in the search and before long, the steady flow of gas slows from the vents, and we come to the shattering realization that we likely took too long to find it.

We move until we find Alex, and we sit together at her feet. I take Kieran’s hand in mine, and we stay like that, letting everything sink in.

He’s in love with me.

Ifeel numb as I look at Alex. Everything—every shared moment and painful memory since we took her, flashes in my mind.

We remove the gas masks and sit in silence for what feels like hours; the ammonia-smell still lingering in the air. Fintan scoots next to her, leaning his back against the wall before he rests his head on Alex’s shoulder as he looks at me. As my eyes meet his, I realize he hasn’t said anything about my confession.

I move closer to face him and take his hand again. His grip instantly tightens around mine, grounding me in this moment of despair. His touch is both a comfort and a reminder of our impending fate.

“Kai…” he whispers, bowing his head before stealing another glance at me from underneath his white hair.

"I love you too."

I don’t know whether to hate Alex or love her for breaking down our barriers. Guilt weighs heavily on my chest as I lean against her.

Suddenly, she twitches and my heart hammers as I jump to my feet. Kieran follows suit and we share a look of confusion and concern as we watch her.

She inhales a deep breath, but she remains unconscious. “Oh, thank fucking God!” Kieran breathes as he places a hand on his bare chest.

“Was the gas the antidote?” I think aloud, not daring to take my eyes off her.

“She planned this. She wanted us to say the words,” Kieran says with a hint of anger, and I feel relief wash over me as I step closer and grab the back of his neck, pulling him toward me until his lips meet mine.

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