Page 14 of A Taste of Grace

Two weeks ago, I vowed before God and man to devote my life to my duties as the senior pastor of Haven of Hope and Blessings Christian Church without compromise or hesitation. I’d been preparing for this role for three years, so it was my time to step up.

As I straightened my tie, a twinge of sadness entered my heart. In my forty-three years, life hadn’t turned out like I expected. I lost a marriage I thought would last forever. Madeline knew how seriously I walked with God, even when I was a little wild. She didn’t respect my calling. That, and drug addiction, pulled her from our family, leaving me to carry a weight that was already heavy.

She gave you Hannah and Esther.

When I got in a pissy mood about my relationship status, I remembered that. Even in darkness, light could shine bright.

But I’m horny as a mother.

I wanted to curse out loud but bit my tongue instead. God had the biggest sense of humor when he called a former hoe like me to be a pastor. That was why I delayed my call to the ministry and married Madeline.

Don’t get me wrong. I was an excellent pastor and leader. I could fast for days and pray like nobody’s business, but that love box between a woman’s legs was my kryptonite. Even now, I remembered the amazing sensation of inserting my tip and gripping some of the tightest and wettest cooches in the South.

I sighed.

Celibacy was for the birds. Nothing in me wanted to be single like the Apostle Paul.

Sacrifice.

The word rang out in my head as I finished my preparation for the night. This life wasn’t about me. I would cut my penis offif that was what it took to be a great father and be obedient to God.

“Daddy, my hair looks ugly.” My daughter Esther ran around the corner from the hallway into my bedroom, pulling me from my reflection.

I couldn’t stand seeing my youngest daughter cry. She was as tough as steel about most things, but when it came to her appearance, she was oversensitive. At least in my opinion.

Both of my girls had tender hearts that made me say extra prayers for them so they would not spend a lifetime suffering at the hands of others.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart.” I kneeled and wiped the tears that pooled in her pretty almond eyes with the pads of my fingers.

“I don’t have time to fix your hair how you like it. I’ll give you a ponytail. Is that okay?”

“Yes.” Esther tilted her head forward so I could remove the loose barrette from her hair.

I quickly raked through her full head of wild, thick hair with my fingers, feeling several tangles.

“Ouch!” She shouted.

“Sorry.” I paused and then resumed my process.

Since Esther’s hair was coarse like mine, Mama told me I needed to comb it gently from the root to the tip. Unfortunately, Esther was tender headed. That required extra time I rarely had.

Esther sucked in her cheeks and pursed her lips, slowly nodding her approval when the pain stopped.

I walked to my bathroom and returned with a small black hair tie. Within a couple of minutes, Esther’s hair was contained in the messy hair tie and barrette combination. Still squatting, I patted her hair and smiled.

“There. You’re ready for the circus.”

“Daddy!” Her face scrunched up, and her eyes got wide.

Let me stop playing with this child.

“I’m kidding. You’re more beautiful than the rising sun.”

She faced me again in her two-piece ice cream cone pajama set and rubbed the stubble on my cheeks. I poked my finger into her left cheek, causing her to release a giggle that was music to my ears.

“Am I pretty like my mommy?” she asked with drawn brows.

It was my turn to suck in my breath as I forced a grin and spoke as I always did when one of my babies spoke about my ex-wife. I kissed her round cheek and wrapped my hands around her little waist.

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