Page 57 of A Taste of Grace

I got up and washed myself, changing my clothes before placing a towel on the wet spot on the bed. Although I tried to go back to sleep, I was restless. I reached for my phone. It was 2:15 a.m.

Me:

Are you up?

My phone rang.

“Hey, baby.” Caleb’s raspy voice pierced through the silence in the room, reminding me of my freaky dream. “You’re not getting cold feet, are you?”

When I didn’t answer immediately, he called my name.

“Grace? Talk to me. What’s on your mind?”

“Am I making the right choice?”

“Where is this coming from?”

“I…” I rubbed my neck and closed my eyes, drawing on the tools I crafted when I felt nervous or anxious. “You arepayingme to marry you. We’re starting our marriage off as a lie. My friend saw the engagement video. The world saw it. We’re goingviral on social media. I wanted this to be small, but it has gotten out of hand. Aren’t you concerned?”

Caleb chuckled as he always did when something wasn’t as big as I made it out to be.

“Grace, this is a mutual agreement between two consenting adults. All that matters is how we navigate this marriage. Anyone else’s interpretation of it is their problem, not ours.”

I nodded, not wanting to self-sabotage this relationship before it started.

“Let the goodness of the day wash over you. God approves of our union.”

“Tell me again why you chose me. You know my past. What if people find out about my mental problems? Do you and the girls really want that?”

“God chose you first. I just obeyed Him when He told me you were mine.”

I processed Caleb’s soothing words.

“Today is our day,” he said.

“I just wish Mama and Daddy were here. He was supposed to walk me down the aisle.” I sniffled between words.

Caleb let me finish crying before speaking.

“They are here, sweetheart—in your actions and your memories. They were beautiful stewards of their only child. I see them in your care for Hannah and Esther.”

I dropped my head in my hands and cried again.

“Look at your ring. I chose you. You will be cherished, and I will cover you no matter what happens.”

I wiped the remaining wetness from my cheeks and picked up my engagement ring, holding it tight and rocking back and forth. When I was calm again, I took a deep breath.

“You always know what to say.”

“It’s my job. Get some rest so we can officially start our lives together tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Caleb.”

“Always.”

When my clock alarm beeped around 6:00 a.m., I stretched and meditated before beginning my morning devotion. I slept like a log after my conversation with Caleb. Joy and gratitude overtook me as I thought about the new life I would lead. I said an extra prayer of thanks to God for giving me such wonderful parents and husband-to-be.

“Lord, please help me not get into a funk today. I bind the spirit of depression and loose the freedom that comes from being adored so thoroughly by Caleb and the girls. You’ve been too good for me to wallow in negativity. I am blessed beyond measure.”

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