Page 4 of Spells of Shadow and Blood

Most Nightshade witches were black wolves. It seemed to be the default color for most Nightshade animals. Cats, crows, tigers, ravens, wolves…they were all black.

But not me.

I could see my stark white coat out of the corner of my eye, and I balked. It was the same shade as the ends of my blue-white hair. Had my own hair color played a part in determining my Nightshade form? This was simply one more way in which I was different. Another reason for me to stand out among the children my own age.

I hadneverseen a white wolf before. I had let go of that ember of magic and turned back into a girl, scampering home with my tail between my legs, so to speak.

Zion had reassured me that Nightshades came in all shapes and sizes, but I was still self-conscious about my stark white coat.

Why couldn’t I be like all the other kids at school? This was one more thing for them to bully me about.

I wassickof being bullied for being different. For being smarter than all of them despite my magic remaining dormant. Sick of hearing them taunt me for my mother leaving us, as if it was something she chose. Sick of them mocking me and provoking me until, finally, one day I would snap.

And snap, I did.

I returned to school the next day, acting normal. As if my magic hadn’t awoken yesterday in a moment of panic and terror. The instructors congratulated me on the awakening of my magic, placing me in the Nightshade studies class where I would learn to control my magic and my change.

I had practiced all night, and I was confident I already had a pretty good handle on it. The magic came easily to me.

What I didn’t know at the time was that when a Nightshade took on their animal form, they also took on some of the tendencies of that animal. If too long was spent in your animal form, you could become stuck in that form forever. You needed to learn to control the magic, lest it control you.

The next free period at school that day, I had wasted no time shifting into my wolf form, terrorizing the students who had ganged up on me the day prior. I had been chasing them around the field, growling and yipping at their heels. Most of them were only Shades, but those that were Nightshades changed form and ran from me.

One of them changed into a rabbit.

That was the moment I felt things…change for me. The moment I had lost control a little bit…but that I hadn’t minded one bit. That I hadenjoyedit. I remember thinking that even though I had been late coming into my powers, the instructors should have prepared me better, regardless. They should have taught me the dangers of our changed forms, and that what happened next wasn’t my fault at all.

The moment I saw the boy change into a rabbit, my wolf cravings took over. I hadn’t known that could happen, or that it evenwashappening at the time. All I knew was that I washungry.

I took off after the rabbit, forgetting entirely that I was a girl and not a wolf. The change took over my every thought. It wasn’t until I stopped running, sinking my teeth into the soft flesh of the rabbit, that an inkling of what I had done entered my mind.

At eight years old, I had killed my first Shade.

And I didn’t regret it. Not one bit.

The instructors had brought Zion in to speak with him, and I could hear their conversation from outside the doorway where I sat. They had placed me in a chair outside the classroom, my hands clasped together in my lap, my head leaning back against the wall.

A smile on my lips.

Was I supposed to be sitting here feeling remorseful? I wasn’t. The boy I had unintentionally eaten had bullied merelentlessly. He had teased me. Called me a freak. Pulled my hair. Pushed me into the dirt. He thought mefragileandweak.

But now…now I was anything but.

I remember sitting outside the classroom, my only thoughts consumed by how my belly was full and my enemies had been vanquished. I was more powerful than all of those other children, and I only craved more. It was the first time in my life I felt as if I could stand up for myself—protect myself—and I wouldn’t apologize. I only craved more power. I wanted to be the most powerful Shade my instructors had ever seen.

“She has enormous potential, but we fear her magic may be…unpredictable,” I heard the instructor say to Zion.

“Unpredictable?” he asked, his voice raised. “Shekilleda classmate. Have you ever seen this happen before?”

A moment of silence passed, and I imagined the instructors were sharing carefully guarded glances, though I couldn’t see their expressions from outside the doorway. They appeared to be unequipped to handle such a delicate situation. I imagined they would have struggled for words in the same way that they did now when Gregor’s parents were called to the school after I was sent home.

“What am I supposed to do?” Zion asked, his voice clinging to a desperate note.

“We suggest pulling her out of school,” the instructor replied.

I could hear Zion running his hand through the scruff on his face. He had been working late at the shop these past few weeks and each night when he returned home, he had bags beneath his eyes. He was raising me alone, providing for us alone, and it was wearing on him. He was doing the best he could, and I didn’t want him to think that my actions reflected my upbringing. It had nothing to do with Zion at all. I was simply taking back the power they had taken from me.

“You don’t think that will only make things worse?” he asked, releasing a heavy sigh. “She needs to train with peers her own age. She needs to learn to control her magic.”

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