Page 11 of Let's Get Textual

Me: Omg, Zach. You can’t just ask someone if they drowned in yarn. Did your mother not teach you any manners?

Zach: We didn’t get that far…

Me: Oh.

Zach: Hi, I’m Zach, I’m a mood killer.

Me: Hi, Zach. Thanks for being so forthcoming with that information AFTER you begged me to be your texting best friend.

Zach: So, what did you knit me?

Me: DOWNLOAD ATTACHMENT

Zach: ARE THOSE PENIS POTHOLDERS!

Zach: You dirty, dirty girl.

Zach: I am laughing so fucking hard right now. Thank you for that.

Me: You likey?

Zach: I likey.

Me: I’ll think of you every single time I use them.

Zach: You’re too kind. They’re a wonderful gift I doubt I’ll ever receive.

Me: Hey, Zach?

Zach: Yes?

Me: I…I didn’t mean to bring up your mom. I had no idea.

Zach: Don’t sweat it. You’re still my favorite penis potholder maker…this week.

Me: Is there anything else I should know about you? Any other subjects that are off the table?

Zach: I hate clowns and bunnies. That’s about it.

Me: I’m sorry…BUNNIES?! How is that possible?

Zach: Don’t judge me. I’m sure there’s something weird out there that you’re afraid of.

Me: I can’t think of anything like that. Mine is just normal stuff, like spiders and snakes and volcanoes.

Zach: Volcanoes…but those are part of nature.

Me: So are bunnies!

Me: Also, have you seen Dante’s Peak? *shudders*

Zach: That movie isn’t even kind of scary!

Me: YES IT IS!

Me: Fine. What kind of movies scare you?

Zach: Normal ones, like Alice in Wonderland, Zootopia (BUNNIES), and Pinocchio. And Trolls.

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