Page 40 of Let's Get Textual

His voice trails off, and I hate the way it makes me scoot to the edge of the couch, the way it causes my pulse to pick up speed, and Ireallycannot stand the way I grip the phone tighter, like his words are a cliff and I’m hanging on the edge of each one.

“We do,” I confirm.

“See, that’s something. I also know you like hot wings and have a thing for freaky television shows,andyou’re crushing on the wolf kid.”

“You’re so annoying.”

“Uh huh. Keep telling yourself that, Delia.”

“I’m hitting play. You in or what?”

He chuckles, and I love the way it sounds. “Oh, I’m in.”

We hit play at the same time. The next few minutes are silent as we eat and watch the insanity unfold on the screen.

I can hear shuffling on the other end of the line, but don’t think much of it—well, not until I hear the mumbling.

“Where the fuck is my extra ranch?” I snicker at the irritation I hear in his voice. “Did those assmunches not send it?”Assmunches?“Well son of a…”

I can’t help it—a laugh escapes, and I’m certain he heard it.

“I’m guessing you heard all that?”

“It’s not like you were trying to be quiet.”

“They didn’t send my extra ranch. That’s enough to yell about.”

“You’re incredibly serious about your ranch.”

“One of these days, Delia, I’ll show you how serious I am.”

“Do we need to pause so you can grab some?”

“Nah, I’ll live. Let’s keep watching. This shit is getting more and more weird.”

The silence resumes.

It’s about fifteen minutes before I hear anything else from Zach, and Ialmostforget we’re on the phone.

“I’m heading out, bro.” A deep voice comes booming through my speaker; it must be the roommate who caused this whole mix-up to happen. “You sure about your epic Friday night plans?”

“Netflix and chill,” Zach says to him.

“Are you going to touch your dick the entire night? On the couch? Because other people sit there too, ya know. Don’t be uncouth. It’s not cool, man.”

“I’m not touching my dick.”

“But are you thinking about touching your dick?” I hear the other guy in the room snap his fingers. “Ah ha! Hesitation! Youwerethinking about touching your dick.”

“Oh my god. This could not possibly be more awkward,” Zach mumbles.

“I don’t know, I think it could be worse,” I tell him.

“Shut up,” he responds to me…I think.

“No, you shut up. You’re the one who ditched us tonight,” his friend chimes in.

I snicker and hear Zach groan.

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