Page 67 of Let's Get Textual

I groan. “Please do not tell me about your masturbation schedule, Zoe. I don’t want to hear it.”

“I bet you fifty bucks Zach diddled himself last night too.”

“I’m not asking him that.”

She raises her brow in a challenge. “Twenty bucks,andI’ll do the dishes for a month.”

Fuck. That’s a good deal.

But I can’t ask him if he was touching his dick last night. That’s too much.

“No. No deal.”

“No balls!”

“What?”

“I said…” She crosses the tiny kitchen and places her hands on the counter, leaning in close to me. “No. Balls.”

I pierce her with a fierce stare of my own. “Fine. You’re on.”

Me: The bet is $20 and Zoe doing the dishes for a month so please excuse me for the question I’m about to ask you.

Zach: I won’t lie, I’m a little scared.

Me: Don’t be scared. Answer honestly.

Zach: Okay…

Me: Did you jerk off after our date last night?

Zach: Holy shit. That is THE LAST thing I thought you would ask me. You have balls, woman.

Me: That’s not you answering the question.

Zach: Will you hold my answer against me?

Me: No.

Zach: Promise?

Me: Of course.

Zach: Then…yes, I did.

Me: HAHAHAHA

Me: Dick-toucher.

Zach: Why? Why do I torture myself like this?

Me: Fine. I won’t hold it against you…for long.

Zach: You’re full of mercy.

Me: Are you blushing right now?

Zach: Nah. I’m a man. *pounds chest* Men are proud to touch their dicks.