Page 68 of Let's Get Textual

Me: Don’t be THAT guy, Zach. The douchebro.

Zach: I can’t take it back now.

Me: You can’t, can you…dick-toucher.

Zach: I’m going to go work and pretend you don’t exist.

Zach: By the way, when’s our next date? Tonight?

Me: I’m a girl—throwing together a last-minute date doesn’t work. Besides, I work. What about tomorrow?

Zach: I’m a guy. You can’t ask me to date you on a Sunday during football season.

Me: You like football?

Zach: I mean I’ll watch it when it’s on, but I much prefer hockey. Might have played in my younger days.

Me: Are you trying to get me all hot and bothered again?

Zach: Depends…is it working? ;-)

“This display of whatever it is is making me queasy. I’m out before I have to witness any more of it.”

I pull my eyes from my phone to find Zoe retreating from the kitchen.

“Wait! Come back! He touched himself!”

“Don’t care! Bet’s off!” she hollers, quickening her pace.

“You little…” I hop off my stool and chase after her, only to have her slam her bedroom door in my face as her laughter spills out loudly.

Twelve

Through sheerpoor luck and the inability to make our schedules sync, it’s been a week and a half since my first date with Zach. Our texting hasn’t diminished, but I’m bummed we haven’t seen one another again.

Me: Confession…I kind of really want to see you again.

Zach: DOWNLOAD ATTACHMENT

Me: Oh HOTNESS! I haven’t seen you without your glasses yet. *fans self*

Zach: That’s going in the spank bank, isn’t it?

Me: Well, there’s a baby goat in the picture, so no. That would be weird.

Zach: Oh, yeah. Excellent point.

Zach: What’s on the schedule for this evening?

Me: Studying. I have books spread out all over my room. I’m tired and bored and hungry and I just want to not be in this stupid apartment studying.

Me: Sorry, I don’t mean to complain. I’m getting cranky from lack of human interaction.

I set my phone down and dive back into the open economics book in front of me.

I’m sufficiently lost in all the mumbo jumbo, so the deafening knock on the front door about scares the shit out of me.

I check the time on my phone, surprised to see that nearly an hour and a half has gone by. I also realize it’s already five PM and I haven’t eaten anything since seven this morning.