Page 34 of Here's to Yesterday

7

Tanner is pissed at me,and I can’t say I blamehim.

As I listen to his latest voicemail, I realize that I’ve ignored him for the past two days because I’m not quite over what Tucker told me about him. I’m not over how deceitful he was, and I am definitely not over how scared I am that I may not know him at all. Because I’ve seen Tanner as my best friend since our second week of dating, but this changes that. He’s suddenly become astranger.

Maybe he’s been a stranger this entiretime.

What he did was big—too big for me to ignore—because now I feel like I don’t know who he is at all, and that sucks. A few days ago I thought we were similar, thought we both had too many layers for one another, too many masks. But it turns out Tanner may have been givingmea mask and showing who he truly is to the world, and that’s the last thing Iwant.

I’m a firm believer in letting things happen how they are supposed to happen. Tanner screwed with that, and it bothers me. Probably more than it should, but I’m tired of that life. I grew up with that. Master manipulators. The Doughers are devious. If you don’t fit their mold one hundred percent the second they meet you, you will within five minutes. They’re crafty like that. They make you believe you have to be what they want you to be. And it works. Every damn time, it works. It doesn’t matter whose toes they step on or how many people they need to knock down to doit.

Tanner doing what he did? Messing with his parents’ marriage and forcing them into what he wanted them to be? It hurts. It hurts because it reminds me so much of something my parents woulddo.

Truth be told, I want nothing to do withthem.

So, I’ve been avoidinghim.

I’ve also been avoiding how much of a hypocrite I am for staying with Tanner and stringing him along. I’m upset with him for lying to his parents, no matter how good his intentions were, and now I’m essentially doing the same thing to him. It’s wrong, and I know it. I understand that our situations are different, but it doesn’t change the underlying principal that we’re both doing something wrong. No matter how many times I tell myselfdifferently.

I still feel like I can get away with it though. What I’m doing will hurt Tanner, but it’s not going to change his life. Or at least that’s how I’m going to justifyit.

My phone buzzes in my hand, and I debate whether or not to answerit.

Answering it winsout.

“Hello?” I asktentatively.

“Two rings, Maura. That’s the max you should make anyone wait,” my mother scolds ingreeting.

Wow. That took about twoseconds.

“Sorry, my screen froze,” Ilie.

“Why didn’t you say that?”Because I had to think of a lie, Mother.“Your father will mail you a new oneimmediately.”

“That won’t be necessary, mother. I can get—” I stop myself before I say the wrong thing. “I can get through,” Ifinish.

“Don’t be dumb, Maura. I said your father will send one. My God, be appreciative for once and don’t argue like abrat.”

“Thank you,” Isay.

“Well, now you’re patronizingme.”

Someone is super cheerytoday.

This continues for the next five minutes. Her nitpicking continues, I attempt to correct myself, she corrects me correcting myself. It’s a never-endingcycle.

“Since it took you so long to answer, you’ve made me late for tea with Beth Anne. I’ll have to reschedule, and I hate doing that.”Because you had to wait more than two rings? Sure.“I’ll see you in two weeks, Maura. Make sure you’re on time for your dress fitting. And do not embarrassme.”

And that’s how she disconnects theline.

“Love you too, Mom,” I say to noone.

I close my phone and close my thoughts to any more negativity today because I don’t think I can takeit.

I push open the door to Jane’s on Main, where I’m meeting Rae for our retail therapy day. We had to reschedule our girl date from a few days ago after Joey gotsick.

“It’s about damn time, woman!” she shouts as I walk in thedoor.

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