Page 36 of Here's to Yesterday

As a result, I work at Clyde’s in secret. I only ever use the money I make there to live on and never touch the money my father puts in my account, because it feels wrong to take that money. It feels dirty because I know it’s their way of saying, “We own you, Maura.” And they’d be correct.Mostly.

I sigh, thinking of how much I feel like a science project stuck under their microscope, at how sad it is that I’m twenty-two and still bending to theirwills.

“You’d think he’d notice,” I tell Jane. “But nope. Guess that shows how little attention he pays to me. Ohwell.”

She gives me a sad smile. “And Tanner? What’s hedone?”

How do I go about this one? It’s not my place to tell her Tucker’s story. It was his life that got put on hold over Tanner, so I feel like it all belongs to him. And I don’t want to betray the trust he gaveme.

Then I realize how backasswards I’ve got this. I care more about hurting Tucker’s feelings and betraying him than I do Tanner at this point. That’s not a goodsign.

Before I can answer her, Jane lets out a low whistle and tips her head, signaling for me to look over my shoulder. I spin around to see Rae, who is absolutely dazzling in the white flowered sundress I picked out forher.

“I hate how right you are about everything,” Rae says excitedly. “I’m fuckinghot.”

I laugh, and it feels so good. It’s a hearty, healing laugh that I needed. When I open my eyes back up, Rae’s smirking atme.

“You’re welcome.” She attempts to wink because she knows—she knows—how much that was needed and did it onpurpose.

“What are you shopping for dresses for, anyway?” Janequestions.

Rae shrugs. “Wanted something different. Joey’s birthday party is this weekend, and I wanted to dressnicely.”

She has this glint in her eye that only I cansee.

“Around a bunch of kids? Something’s up.Spill.”

“It’s just a feeling. I think this weekend will be a good one,” she beams, and I can’t help but smile along withher.

“Oh my gosh. You two girls are so nauseating. All in love and shit.” Jane groans and sinks down on the counter, resting her chin on herhands.

Before I can get my “signal” out to her, Rae shoots me a pitiedlook.

“I saw that!” Jane springs up. “Tell me,Maurie.”

I glare at Rae, whoshrugs.

“It’s nothing. Everything. And nothing all over again,” I tellher.

“Because that isn’t confusing,” Raemumbles.

“Shut it, Rae,” I throw back. I turn around and mirror the relaxed pose Jane abandoned. “It’s not him, it’s me.” Rae, who walked back to the dressing room to change, starts laughing at my cliché. Loudly. “RAE!”

“Whew. Sorry, sorry. Please continue,” she says through fadedgiggles.

I shake my head at her, despite the fact that she can’t see me. “Anyway, it’s all complicated. I love him, but I don’t love him like Ishould.”

“He’s not her ‘The End’!” Raesupplies.

“What she said,” I say to Jane. “We’ve been drifting a lot lately. We go days without speaking actual words to one another, and it doesn’t bother me, so that’s a sign that this relationship isn’t what it shouldbe.”

Jane nods, taking that in. “I’m no relationship expert—unless you count my wild affair with my cat Moose—and even I know that’s not how it should be,” she says. “So. What are you going to do aboutit?”

I sigh and groan all at once. “Well, he was supposed to be coming home in a couple weeks for one of my parents’ annual dinners, but he now apparently has duty that weekend. I was going to break up with him then, explain it all to him. But since that isn’t happening now, I don’t know. Whenever I see himnext?”

“Do you think you should wait?” shequestions.

I shrug and drop my hands onto the counter, letting my head fall forward. “I also don’t think I should do it over thephone.”

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