Page 38 of Here's to Yesterday

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Tucker: Wanna ride together to Joe’sparty?

This isthe probably the tenth time I’ve read Tucker’s text in the last half hour. It still says the same thing, and I still don’t know how torespond.

I want to tell him yes. I want to let my guard down again, shake off my desire to please everyone, especially my parents. I can do that around Tucker in a way I can’t around anyone else, not evenRae.

I also know that I shouldn’t tell him yes simply based on how good it makes me feel to be around him, how normal and natural it allfeels.

“Yes” definitely shouldn’t be an option, because I’ve only talked with Tanner three times since last Sunday. Two of the three times was by text. It hasn’t entirely been my fault, because Tannerhasbeen busy this week, but I also haven’t gone out of my way to talk with him when, as his girlfriend, I should. But Idon’t.

When we have talked, it’s been stilted. On bothends.

Rather than trying to fix it, we continue our usual push and pull. Because that’s the type of people weare.

I’m tired of beingthatperson. I need to start taking more chances. I need to continue to step out of my “safe bubble” I’ve created over the years, carefully walking that line between who everyone else wants me to be and who I am. I need to start sayingyes.

And I know just the place tostart.

Me:Yes.

Tucker texts backimmediately.

Tucker: 1:30good?

Me:Yes.

Tucker: Do you know any otherwords?

Before I can respond, another text comesthrough.

Tucker: Let me guess…yes?

Someone catches onquick.

Me:Yes.

Tucker: Wow. Laughter is pouring out ofme.

Me:YES!!

Tucker: ….

Me:Yes?

Tucker: ARE WE DONEYET?

You know how sometimes you text someone ‘LOL’ but don’t in fact LOL? Well, I reallydidLOL, but I don’t want him to know that. So I go with the best possibleanswer.

Me:Yes.

Me: Sorry, had to one lasttime.

Me: See you at 1:30still?

Tucker:Yes.

Me: I see what you didthere…

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