Page 48 of Here's to Yesterday

From the second Rae opened her mouth, my heart began beating faster and faster. Not because I’m nervous to hear what she has to say. Not because I thought she was going to be mean. Not because I’m upset withher.

Because she’s right. And I knew she wouldbe.

Rae is the one person in my life who will, no matter what, spit the truth at me and promise not to spare my feelings duringit.

Ineedthat. I need honesty and trust. I need to know that someone is going to be there for me no matter what, taking in all the different parts of me and letting me know it’s okay to be me. It’s okay to not conform. It’s okay to takechances.

Rae gives that all tome.

I throw my arms around her neck and squeeze the crap out ofher.

“You’re thebestbest friend a girl could ever have,” I tellher.

She returns the hug with equal ferocity. “Ditto, hooker. I’m sorry I sucked in there. I want you to be happy. Foronce.”

I laugh lightly.I want thattoo.

We pull apart. “Okay, go. Leave. My stupid eyes are about to fucking leak, and I don’t need that shittoday.”

“Congrats, by the way. You’re getting that fairytale ending we all want inlife.”

Rae sighs dreamily. “I am, huh? But you’ll get yours too.Promise.”

I give her a small shrug. “Maybe oneday.”

“See you this week?” she sayshopefully.

I give her a thumbs up and turn to findTucker.

I don’t find him out back anywhere, so I walk backinside.

“Your man is out front,” Perry says from his lawn chair, lounging back a little too loosely, his head lolling to theside.

Guess that no-booze talk didn’t go toowell.

“My man,eh?”

As he takes a sip from a glass that I’m sure isn’t full of soda, he mumbles, “Seems like it tome.”

I ignore him and promise myself I’ll give him and Rae a call this week so that maybe we can get together to figure out what in the hell is going on withhim.

I wave goodbye to Hudson, Rae, and Gaige, having already said goodbye to Joey earlier when she went inside with her friends. Then I walk around the side of Hudson’s house, through the gate, and straight to the frontyard.

All the air leaves my lungs as I step to the edge of theyard.

Tucker’s leaning up against his car, arms crossed over his chest, and watching down the road. He appears soserene.

But that’s not my favorite part. It’s the way the moonlight is barely hitting his face and the way the shadows of the street contour to the other half. It’s as if the moon, stars, and clouds are all out for him tonight, showing that there are two sides to TuckerBentley.

I can’t decide which part of him I like the most—the Tucker he shows everyone else or the Tucker he shows me. Either way I look at it, it’s Tucker. Both sides make up who he is. Both sides make me happy. Both sides make my traitorous heart beat too fast. And worst of all, both sides make me want him like Ishouldn’t.

I take a deep breath, finally coming to terms with what I admitted to myself and just how huge it is. Bigger than anything else I’ve ever admitted to. But I think I’m okay with it. It feels right.Ifeel right.Finally.

Watching him now makes me understand what Rae was meaning, that sometimes the heart wants what it wants. You have to sayscrew itand go for it. I get that Tucker makes me feel something that Tanner never will. I get that I’ve never—and I meannever—had this sort of connection before. I spent months and months avoiding being in the same room as Tucker, throwing myself into a relationship with his brother, ignoring everything I felt every time we were within ten feet of one another, because of how hard he makes my heart thump. Because of how he looks at me. Because of how much he makes me want to be, well, me. I tossed it all out the window because none of it was what I thought I was supposed to feel, what I wasallowedtofeel.

But now? Now I’mreadyto listen to my heart because Rae is right, and life is too damn short for ‘whatifs.’

I’mready.

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