Page 61 of Here's to Yesterday

“Anytime. I would do it again in aheartbeat.”

I take his words, fold them up, and place them deep inside my heart for later. Because those nine words mean more to me than he’ll ever know, and I have a feeling I’ll be pulling them out again in thefuture.

The song comes to an end, but we don’t break apart. This continues through two more songs until Tucker abruptly stops. I follow suit, and then we’re standing there, staring at one another in that way we shouldn’tbe.

Almost out of left field, Tucker dips his head, and I know where he’s aiming. My lips. I want so badly to reach up and meet his kiss, but that would be crossing lines I don’t want tocross.

Although I don’t want to cross lines, I don’t turn my head or duck out of the way. Instead I’m frozen there, watching as it all happens in slowmotion.

Tucker moving closer to my waiting lips at an agonizingly slow place, causing my heart to workovertime.

The fire of pure want that keeps dancing in his gaze, as they flick between my doe-like eyes and partedlips.

Our harsh breaths mingling and our chests rapidly moving as he draws closer and closer andcloser.

But then, at the very last possible second, when I feel his lips ghost against mine, he steers right and kisses my cheeklightly.

I close my eyes on a sigh, and we fall back into our dance, Tucker pulling me closer thanbefore.

“I’m sorry,” he says in a quietvoice.

I squeeze my eyes closed and wish away the new tears that are threatening to form. He’s saying sorry for almost kissing me, for my mom, for wanting me the way he wants me. And for all the things he’s done to make this harder onme.

As much as Ishouldapologize too, I don’t. Because I know that if I open my mouth, a sob will come out, further embarrassing my mother and putting me higher on her shit-list.

I should apologize for almost letting him kiss me, for my mom’s bitch-tude toward him, for wanting him and letting him want me although we both know nothing can ever come of it. All of it. But I don’t because I’m selfish and possiblystupid.

The song comes to an end, and we pull apart. “Restroom,” I squeak out, rushing off in search of a moment to myself. I hear him call my name, but I’m too focused on running up the stairs to get to the nearest balcony for air. Stepping up to the railing, I automatically regret not stopping to grab my jacket, because it’s starting to get chilly. I wrap my arms myself and stare off into thenight.

The scene in front of me was always my favorite thing about growing up here. In the middle of our backyard was a massive, old tree. The tree was dead, but it was still beautiful. Actually, I think that was part of its charm. I won’t think about how similar it is to Tucker’s tattoo, because that would lead to all thoughts concerning Tucker, and he’s exactly what I’m trying toescape.

“Well, isn’t this cozy,” I hear from behindme.

I whirl around as the voice registers to me. “T-Tanner?” My voice is too high and sounds a bit panicked because I know the way I was dancing with his brother was inappropriate, and that’s without throwing in the almost kiss. I’m terrified he saw it all. “W-what are you doinghere?”

Tanner takes two steps closer, the moonlight hitting his face this time. He seems…off. Not quite pissed, but not real happy either. I retreat one step at the displeasure I see on his face and bump into therailing.

“I could ask you the same thing, Maura.” He takes another stepcloser.

“I-I told you I was coming. My mom would have my ass if I didn’t showup.”

Tanner stares at me, his emotions still unknown to me until I see his jaw tick once. He’s definitely pissed off, probably worse than I’ve ever seen before. “Why haven’t you launched yourself into my armsyet?”

I immediately move forward and begin apologizing. “I’m sorry. You surprised me isall.”

I try to put my arms around him, and he backs away. I wish I could say I’m stunned by all this, but I’m not. I’m positive now that he saw Tucker and me dancing too close together, which means he also probably witnessed our almost kiss. I hang my head inshame.

“How long?” he says on a choked whisper that causes me to flinch. Everything in my body starts to hurt because I know how badly I’ve hurt him. “How long have you been in love withhim?”

My head jerks up at his question. “I-I’mno—”

He puts his hand up. “Save it. It’s written all over your face. People may think I’m stupid, Maura, but I can assure you that I’m not.Friendsdon’t look at one another thatway.”

My mouth hangs open at his accusation.Am I? Am I in love with Tucker? But how could Ibe?

I shake my head at him and Tanner snorts. I can feel the disgust coming off him in waves. “Feel like shit, huh? Cheating will do that toyou.”

“I didn’t cheat!” I argue immediately, because I didn’t cheat. At least that’s what I’m going to keep tellingmyself.

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