Page 62 of Here's to Yesterday

He sneers, and I steel myself against the hurtful words I know he’s about to toss my way, becauseI knowhe’s going to be honest. “Maybe not physically, but don’t tell me you didn’t fall in love with him and he didn’t fall in love with you. It’s emotional, Maura, and that’s still fuckingcheating.”

I close my eyes, trying to block him out, but he doesn’t stop. “Do you have any idea how bad that hurts? I’d rather you screw him than fall in love with him, but I bet you did that too. Was he any good? Did he give you what I couldn’t? What about his dick? Is it bigger than mine?” he growls. “Tucker always was better than me at everything, so why wouldn’t he be better at fucking my girl than Iam?”

I know he’s acting like a dick right now to try and hurt me back. My hand moves to my chest as the tears start falling, my body is wracked with sobs for the pain I know I’m causing him. Tanner’s a soldier. Emotions and physical reactions aren’t his thing. Instead, he says how he feels with his words, and he basically told me I broke his fuckingheart.

Stepping forward again, I try to grab his hand, but he shoves me off. “You fucking smell like him!” he yells. “Dammit!”

He stalks away and starts pacing, running his hands through his hair. I’m momentarily reminded of Tucker in the parking lot of Mic’s, the first time I ever saw him lose hiscool.

Tucker.Where ishe?

Another tear falls at the direction my thoughts took. I’m standing here, face-to-face with my boyfriend, knowing I’m hurting him, and I’mstillthinking about Tucker. That’s beyond messedup.

“I came here to surprise you because I know how hard all this has been on you, and I find this. This! You in my asshole little brother’s arms, cozied up and mooning at one another like you’re both fifteen fucking years old. It’s sickening,” he continues. Tanner pinches the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes and hanging his head. “He’s my brother,” he says quietly. “My fuckingbrother.I loved you, Maura. I honestly, truly loved you. Youwere—”

“But you didn’t,” I cut him off. I catch a breath between the tears, standing up straighter at his words. “You don’t know me, so how can you loveme?”

“Know you? What that fuck are you smoking, woman? We’ve been together for eight months. How can I not knowyou?”

I swallow thickly. “You see who I want you to see, and you never try to explore beyond that, Tanner. You don’t seeme.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake! Is that what this bullshit is? His fucking emotional ‘deep connection’ thing? I don’t do that crap, Maura! I don’t feel things like other people do. I’m trained to switch that shit off so I don’t hurt the same way. It takes a lot to crush me. But this? This fucking crushesme.”

“Tanner, I’mso—”

“Don’t you dare,” he seethes. “I don’t want to hear how ‘sorry’ you are. I don’t want to hear how you didn’t mean for it to happen. I don’t want to hear any of it.” Tanner stops pacing and twists toward me, pinning me with his heated glare. Then an almost sinister expression settles over his face, and I know I’m going to hate whatever it is he says next. “You want to know what I want? I want to forget about you. I want to forget that I met you. I want to go back to being me. And I never want to talk to you or my dickhead brother ever again. You can let him know that for me,yeah?”

“Tanner!” I yell a little too loudly at his retreatingback.

He stops walking and says in a dead voice without facing me, “I told you that I don’t want to hear your apologies. I loved you, Maura, and you broke my fucking heart. But that’s not what hurts the most. He’s my brother. You both should have knownbetter.”

“That’s not fair. You’re not here, and we barely talkanymore.”

He turns and stalks back toward me. I back up until my back hits the railing. “I’m in the fucking military. What exactly is it that you expect? You want me to drop everything for you? Come running whenever you please? Call or text you every hour? Can’t do that, babe. My country, my family, and girls. That’s my motto, and that’s what it’s always been. Guess I can drop those last twonow.”

“That’s not what I want and you know it. I love that you love your country. I always admired that about you until Tucker told me the real reason youjoined.”

“The reason I signed up may have been selfish, but I’ve changed a whole hell of a lot since I’ve been in. You can’t judge me based on the decisions I made when I was younger.That’snotfair.”

We’re both eerily calm now, and I’m not sure how false it is on his side, but I do know that I’m freaking out on theinside.

Before I can say anything, he speaks again. “Guess he told you about calling dibs on you first too, huh? So, yeah, I went after you hard at first to piss him off, but the more we talked, the more I liked you, and then I went and fell inlove.”

The only thing I care about in the whole spiel is him going after me to piss his brother off.Who the fuck does that shit to their brother?Wait. Is that what this is with Tucker? Payback? I shudder at the thought that Tucker has playedme.

No, no, no. Not possible.I feel different with Tucker. I feel howrealitis.

Clinging to that, I push any ill thoughts aside and glare at the man standing in front of me. “That’s what started this? You going after me because of Tucker? You wanna preach to me about family and how much you honor it. That’s a real shit thing to do to blood, Tanner. I won’t mention how you talk about him when he’s not around. Your double standards aretiresome.”

He scoffs. “Whatever. You don’t want to admit that you fuckedup.”

“I don’t? Fine. Yeah, I have feelings for Tucker. I have no idea what they mean or how deep they go, but we connect on a level you and I will never reach. I’ve had plans to break it off for a while now but wanted to do it inperson.”

“Because seeing you and Tucker together wassomuch fun,” he mutterssarcastically.

“No, I’m sure it wasn’t. But now, after you admitted to pursuing me for shitty reasons, it makes me think a lot less of you and question—more than I already was—what type of man youare.”

I guess hearing it all out loud like that strikes Tanner in a way it hasn’t before. He begins retreating toward the house. He’s looking at me as he twists his face into a cocky sneer and with obviously false bravado says, “I’m a man who’s too good foryou.”

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