Page 8 of Here's to Yesterday

I snap my head toward her. “What.” It doesn’t come out as aquestion.

“What I mean is Tucker gets all this military crap. He’s been living with it for the last several years. He understands. Maybe you should reach out to him. He might be able to help you through the confusion you’ve beenfeeling.”

“Or I cannot, and say Idid.”

“Okay, brat. Be that way, then. But think about it. You probably need him more than yourealize.”

But she’s wrong. The only person I need is my boyfriend. Or he’s the person Ishouldneed.How did I get so screwed up by allthis?

“I’m going to go call Tanner,” I tell her in attempt to make myself feel better about that thought I justhad.

I lied to her when I said I was going to call Tanner, because the first thing I do when I make it into my room is lie down on my bed and do my best to hold back my sudden tears, I know that Kassi is right. I’m not okay. My head isn’t where it needs to be. Myheartisn’t where it needs to be. And I think I need someone else to lean on for a change. Anyone who isn’t my boyfriend’sbrother.

I close my eyes tightly and try to push away all my shameful thoughts because I have no idea why I’m almost crying over a man I’m not sure I love like I should anymore. I have no idea why I’m letting whatever is happening between us push me away from my other friends and the world. I’ve been nothing but a shut-in these past few months as I’ve tried figuring out what in the hell is going on with Tanner andme.

Since Tucker is the best friend of my best friend’s boyfriend (because that wasn’t confusing or anything), I have to see him. All. The. Time. Each time we are all together, Tucker sees things, things he shouldn’t be seeing. He looks at me and understands all this stuff that I hide from Rae and Perry on the daily. I’m tired of him seeing directly through me, because that’s exactly what’shappening.

It’s so hard to keep this falsely happy attitude around everyone when all I truly want to do is break down. I want to let my tears flow because I’m lonely. I miss him, yet I have no real right to, especially not when I have no idea how I feel abouthim.

I simply want to cry out of frustration, want, andanger.

But I don’t. Ican’t.

My phone suddenly rings, and I rush to answer it without checking thescreen.

“Hello?”

“Maura. It’s about time you answered your phone.” I immediately regret pressing that green buttonnow.

“I-I had it on silent,” I lie to my mother, my nervous stutter coming out. “It won’t happenagain.”

“Having your phone on silent is incredibly rude to those trying to call you, Maura. But I don’t expect you to understand something sosimple.”

I suppress a groan, because any other time she would say that it’s rude to those around me to have the volume turned on. There’s no pleasingher.

“I’m sorry,” I mumble again. “I promise I won’t do itagain.”

Anotherlie.

“Good. Now, I’m calling to make sure you’re still attending the dinner next month. It’s exactly four weeks away, and we need to finalize yourplates.”

I clear my throat and try to sound as confident as possible. “I won’t be able to attend thedinner.”

“That is absurd! You will be present, and you will wear the dress I have picked out for you. It’s blue and will match youreyes.”

But not my new hair,I want tosay.

Instead, I settle for fingering the tips of my newly pink locks. “I’m sorry, Mother, but I won’t be able to attend. Tannerhas—”

“You will be there, and youwillbring a date. I won’t hear another word against it. Are weclear?”

All the fight I have left in me slowly drains out as I realize that nothing I say will matter to her. She’s going to make me go. She’ll badger me until I agree. She’ll call every day until I have to change my phone number and walk away from my parents.That doesn’t sound toobad.

“I have asked a question, young lady. I expect an answer if you are capable of one,” she says, impatience lining hervoice.

I cringe at her harshness and nod myhead.

“Maura!” she snaps as I realize she can’t seeme.

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