Page 98 of Here's to Yesterday

I drop my head to my chest, not answering him.Maura.I slept with the girl my brother was in love with, the girlI’min lovewith.

He died hatingme.

He died hatingMaura.

Hedied.

Air is in short supply again as I struggle to breathe. The sound is harsh in the otherwise quiet apartment. No one is moving. No one is talking. We’re only…existing.

“Tucker?” I hear her soft, silky voice say. She drops down in front of me, grabbing my face and bringing it up to hers. She wipes away the tears I didn’t realize were falling. “Tucker, you’re scaring me. What’swrong?”

Before I can talk myself out of it, I slam my mouth against hers, cradling her head between my hands and holding on for dear life. She hesitates only briefly before she returns my kiss with equal want. And then we’re lost in each other for what is probably the lasttime.

Trust me, I know this isn’t my finest moment. If anything, it’s my most selfish moment. Because I know—I know—that she’s going to freak out in about twenty seconds when I tell her aboutTanner.

And I’ll lose her. I know I will. Some of the tears falling down my face belong to her; they belong tous.

Or what wewere.

Because whatever it is we had yesterday won’t make it to tomorrow. It probably won’t even make it five minutes fromnow.

I pull back from the kiss and nuzzle my nose against hers. It feels familiar, like it’s something we’ve always done when this is only our firsttime.

I study her face and memorize it because I don’t ever want to forget it. I take in her glassy blue eyes and platinum blonde hair with the dark pink tips and the three small freckles she has by her left eye. I take in the way her lips have the cutest pout tothem.

Everything. I take it allin.

And then I tellher.

“He’s gone, Maura,” I rasp out, my voice weak and tired from crying and not being able to breathe. “Tanner isdead.”

I expected her to be sad, angry maybe. What I didn’t expect is for her to slap me. But she does.Hard.

Then she’sgone.

She’s sunk in a heap on the floor, sobs roaring from her curled-up form. Rae goes to her, holding her together when I know that I can’t. I watch like an outsider as the woman I love breaks apart for the brother who loved her too. And I know that I shouldn’t be jealous of her reaction, but I am. It’s all twisted and confusing and painful. I want to hold her and comfort her, but I can’t. I know she won’t letme.

“Tucker?” Hudson says. “Does your familyknow?”

They must. If it’s on TV, they know. And they didn’t fucking tell me. Either that or the damn media fucked up and leaked info they weren’t supposed to. But I’m guessing theyknow.

I don’t answer him. I only watchMaura.

“What’s going on?” Gaige asks, emerging from hisbedroom.

Out of my peripheral, I watch Hudson go to him and break the news. He hangs his head and pulls Hudson in for a quickhug.

I guess now is the time to hold on to one another. Now is the time to tell each other how we feel, because we don’t know if we’ll get totomorrow.

But sometimes, something so terrible happens that the yesterdays don’t matter, the tomorrows don’t exist, and the now is nothing but pain andheartache.

* * *

Ahaze,that’s what I’m in. I’m moving through the motions and trying to ignore the woman sitting next tome.

Maura’s currently comforting my broken mother. Apparently the news of the split between her and Tanner never made its way back to my parents. Because of this, I’ve spent the last few hours having to listen to her being called and introduced asTanner’sgirlfriend, notmine.

Although it was never made official out loud, it was in our actions and our connection. Weknew.

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