Page 40 of I Wanna Text You Up

Me:Turns out I’m a sympathypuker.

Me:He puked on my floor, and then I puked on my floor trying to clean it up. Like, I still love him and all, but I also kind of hate him rightnow.

Caleb:Shit. He probably ate too fast. I’m so sorry you have to deal with that, Zoe. I promise I’ll be at home more often and all the kitten duty won’t fall toyou.

Caleb:I’ll make youdinner.

Me:You already cook for me. Tryagain.

Caleb:I’ll…hmm…

Caleb:I’ll touch yourbutt.

Me:Who’s really getting the most of thatone?

Caleb:That wasn’t ano…

Me:We’llsee. ;-)

Caleb:How about…I’ll TAKE you out todinner.

Me:Did you just ask me out on a date? I thought we talked about you trying to stick your ham in my meatwallet.

Caleb:No. Do not say meat wallet. And it’s not a DATE date, just like a roomies date. Ya know, for notsucking.

Me:But…what if I likesucking?

Caleb:Did you just make a blow jobjoke?

Me:…Yes.

Caleb:I…I was not expectingthat.

Caleb:You never stop surprisingme.

Me:Is that a badthing?

Caleb:Not atall.

Caleb:Unless you’re surprising me with herpes or something. Then that’sbad.

Me:Noted.

* * *

Me:DID YOU USE MY BODY WASHAGAIN?!

Caleb:Defineuse…

Me:DID YOU SQUIRT IT ON YOUR LOUFA AND USE ALL MY GODDAMN BODY WASH, CALEBMILLS?!

Caleb:Defineall…

Me:CALEB!

Caleb:ZOE!

Me:CALEB!!

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